Sunday, February 15, 2009

101 Ellenphant Jokes

SUMMARY: Trimming the lemon tree. In the rain. Cold rain.

Last year the lemon tree produced almost no lemons, and they were tiny and dry and malformed and probably Republican, too. And Taj MuttHall did not go out and trim off all those two-story branches shooting straight up into the air. So this year, perhaps flush from Obama's victory, the tree is replete with pleasingly plump fruitage. And the branches start to sag toward the yard, which is bad for the agility because while the dogs can run under the branches, the handler runs face-first into them. Plus then the ground becomes saturated from the rain, and the whole derned tree begins to become overly acquainted with the A-frame.

Then a tremendous wind arises, and the hanging, heavily laden branches start flinging themselves wildly, trying to convince the tree to go over all the way. Fortunately TMH had propped the tree up after the first saggage a couple of weeks back. But today, we must do something about the overladen branches flinging their turgid lemons about.

It is cold. It is wet.

Q: Why did the Ellenphant wear a bright yellow mackintosh?
A: To hide in the lemon tree.
Q: Why did the Ellenphant wear a bright yellow mackintosh and a Cynosport agility hat?
A: To disguise herself as an A-frame.
Q: Why did the Border Collie stare at the Ellenphant in the bright yellow vinyl jacket?
A: She was wondering why the funny-looking tunnel was trying to hide in the lemon tree.

OK, enough flashback to 1960s elephant jokes.
Q: How does the well-prepared agility addict prepare for debranching lemon trees in a storm?
A: Cynosports World Championships hat and Power Paws Agility sweatshirt, of course!

4 comments:

  1. I can testify, first-hand, to the ability of elephants to hide in a tree. With or without red toenails. Did your elephants paint their toenails yellow? :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't know--i couldn't find them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can't stop laughing. Good luck with the lemon tree. You should write a book. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete