Tika's Good Old Bad Old Heart

SUMMARY: Not the best news.

Tika had been coughing a bit more this last week. And then Friday night she coughed off and on all night. Seemed like an exact repeat of what happened before she had her near collapse back in November, but at least this time I was at home rather than at an agility trial, so I canceled my movie plans for the morning and called the vet's office (luckily my regular vet usually works saturday mornings).

Got a late-morning appointment. Gave Tika her usual sedative an hour before (because she stresses out SO much about being at the vet's office).

Tossed both dogs into MUTT MVR and drove the 20-30 minutes over there. I keep thinking that I should just find another vet who's closer--there are a ton of them w/in 5 minutes--but I've been going there since 1979 and they know my dogs' history and all. Anyway.

Took Tika into the lobby. Was told we'd have to wait because the doctor was dealing with an emergency. They have fairly comfortable vinyl-covered seats, perfect for pets whom you want to have on the seat with you. Tika, even with the sedative, wasn't wanting to hold still. Popped up on her hind legs to look over the counter to see what the receptionist was doing. Hopped onto and off of the bench a couple of times to look out the window. Hopped up again, gave me an odd blank look, and collapsed in my arms.

I yelled, "there's something wrong with my dog!" as she started to twitch and arch her neck, and then she went limp as the receptionist dashed into the back calling for assistance. I thought she was gone for a moment, but no, she was breathing fine, evenly and calmly, and her eyes were open.

Way too calmly. Even on sedatives, she's wired. But she just lay there and I held her. A vet tech came out and said that he could carry her into the examination room, and she just let him, so very much NOT like Tika. That's when I noticed that the seat and my jeans were completely soaked, and that's the moment when it sank in that she'd just had a seizure.

In the exam room, the vet rushed in while she lay quietly on the table, but upright now rather than on her side, as I held her and stroked her. He checked her eyes and her gums--a little pale, just like back in November, then checked her pulse and her heart rate. While I tried not to sob out loud.

At that point, Tika started panting more like Tika does most of her life, and wanted to stand up, which she did shakily while I held her up.

Another minute or two and she said she was fine, although now on the floor, she tried to shake herself off and just fell right over (because I let go of her when she shook, doh).

I mentioned to the vet that I'd heard that he was dealing with another emergency. Yes, he said, a dog had been having seizures. (Guess it was that kind of day.) Dog had been stabilized and he had just been giving instructions and info to the owner when they called him to check Tika. Anyway.

So, here's the deal.

Her heartrate is now about 220-240 a minute! But pulse 80-90ish. She has always had an athlete's slow heartbeat, and even back less than a month ago at our previous visit, it still sounded good except for the murmer that indicates ongoing degenerative heart disease.

The discrepancy meant that her heart had started fibrillation--rapid beating without having a chance for the blood to fill back in between beats, so blood was actually pumping (pulse) only once about every 2 or 3 beats.

This is SO no good. Means that her chances for a sudden fatal heart attack or stroke have skyrocketed.

They kept her for a couple of hours to do an EKG and a current x-ray to check for fluid in the lungs or the chest cavity (the question about the coughing). Also a blood test again to check for kidney function, etc. I took Boost over to the nearby part and actually into the dog park there while we waited. (Maybe a quick post about that later.)

EKG shows that only the upper half of her heart is actually working, lower half is struggling. That's bad.

X-ray showed no signs of fluid. That's good. Means her cough was probably just the bronchitis that she also suffers from. But x-ray did show narrowing of trachea in throat and near the heart, so it could just be harder for her to get enough air all the time. Interestingly, he suggested 1/2 tsp of Robitussin DM as needed for the cough. That seems to help, although she REALLY doesn't like the taste of it, so I have to be creative in getting it into her.

Added one more med to her regimen--digoxin. Vet tried to get in touch with the doggie cardiologist while I was there, but wasn't in on the weekend. He's going to call them on Monday to try to get a phone consult about medication and actions to take, and possibly I'll take her in there if it seems necessary to do so.

Then I practically had a heart attack when the receptionist told me, "That comes to $750." At least I didn't start having a seizure on the spot, but my brain wanted to.

I don't really want to get into heroic measures and extreme medical options. She's 12 and a half, which still doesn't feel that old to me at times, because she's still so fast and perky most of the time. But really that is an old dog, and I've been so lucky so far with her.

We'll see how things go and when and where. I'm back to playing a waiting game--is she going to go today? Tomorrow? Not for months? When she doesn't move when I come into the room, is she gone? Dang old dogs.

Dang, good old Tika. Didn't eat enthusistically this morning, which is unlike Tika historically. Spent a lot of the day up in the bedroom, which is her go-to place when she's not feeling well...or when she's feeling neglected.

My girl. My Merle Girl. So hard to think about not having her. Trying to think about *having* her and enjoying her. But she's definitely never going to do agility again. If she wants to do frisbee, fine. If htat's how she goes, that's fine. But I don't want it to be while doing that dog sport that she has done so very well in for so many years. It was a gift.

Random Jakey Notes

SUMMARY: Lots of emails from and to friends, known and otherwise.

Words fail me time and again this week--including trying to express how important all the emails and blog comments and phone calls have been, even if I didn't want to talk about it. I know that I am not, by far, the only one to go through this, and yet everyone digs deep to give me support and memories. Thank you again. Here are bits from just some of the emails I've received.

• To a friend: I'm finding myself short on words. I wanted to write an eloquent and simple summary of his life but found that it was too hard, all I could do was to say what happened.
• From an agility friend: It sounds like Jake picked his own time and way to leave this crazy world. What a great little dog and competitor he was.
• From an agility friend: He was always fun to watch...
• From an agility friend: I have wonderful memories of watching Jake at trials.
• From an agility friend: He was our ideal mixed-breed idol, and we could only dream of achieving just a portion of all the wonderful things the two of you have accomplished. I always loved watching the two of you on and off the field - it was like watching a really well-written, albeit funny, dance symphony; the two of you old partners knowing how to read each other's subtle (or not-so-subtle ) cues.
• From an agility friend: I was so excited to see him running on Saturday and thought how amazing it was that he was there, still beating the young whipper snappers. It is terrible from the human stand point, but from the doggy view, I guess what could be better than running agility and gorging illicitly on gourmet doggy treats until the very end.
• To a friend: He was a good boy right to the end. Well, if I discount the goodies in the car on Saturday. Which, actually, I did. I was annoyed but didn't scold him and kept telling myself, well, he's old, he deserves some slack. (In retrospect, I'm so glad about that.)
• From an agility friend: He was such a wonderful little dog. I saw him run this weekend and marveled at how well he was doing for a little old guy! How wonderful his last two runs at his last show were Q's! Just shows he was a champion to the end.
• To club member whose dog also succumbed to brain tumor/seizures recently: It's so hard to watch them go through it. This is my second dog whose last day was consumed with seizures. In a way I'm glad that they came all at once--I don't know how I could have lived week after week, watching and waiting and dreading the next one. His seizures were so long and so bad and he was so terrible for so many hours after each one, I don't know that I could have put him through more anyway. My first dog's seizures were short and recovery very quick, but came so fast after each other on top of known fatal cancer, so it was quite different.
• From an agility friend:I remember when he got his C-ATCH a couple years ago and you made a short speech telling us about him. i'll never forget it ... (And I "retired" him from agility right after that; little did I know he'd still be doing some runs...)
• From an agility friend: He was simply the greatest. I will never forget when we first joined the club, you hurt your back and you had different people running him. He was so happy to be playin' the game he was runnin' fast and winning ribbons like a champ.
• To a friend: I sure was lucky with him. Of course one always wants more, but at least at 15 I knew full well that time was running out.
• From an agility friend: It was such a pleasure to be able to watch him run again this weekend. He sure was having his fun!
• From an agility friend: I loved Jake. I loved the breed name you gave him (Semidachshund). I loved watching you grow together and then just enjoy each others' company.
• From a previous housemate: All in all he was a good boy. But, then again, all your dogs have been good. Must be a good mommy! If it really was a brain tumor that did him in it makes all our jests about Jake and his one brain cell seem so inappropriate! (We always used to joke that he had only one brain cell, because when he was focused on something, there was no room for anything else. E.g., focus on treats: No room for listening to mom. Focus on squeaky: No room for food.)
• My response: The tests ruled out almost all causes other than a nodule or tumor on the brain, and his post-seizure behavior--pacing constantly in a one-direction circle--are also symptomatic of such a brain problem. I kept thinking about the one brain cell thing, too, the whole time. Poor old guy. Morbid humor, I know, but it did seem to prove the case--the only thing that got him to stop hours of pacing was bringing out the goodies. I had wanted to call you and say that if you wanted one last chance to say goodbye, it might be Monday, but he really was never himself again and it seemed pointless to offer. He was only marginally aware or reacting to any of us. I'm still a bit stunned and numb and having a little trouble focusing, but at least I got some sleep.
• From a previous housemate: Jake was always my favorite, as you know, and I just adored him.
• From an agility friend: I have pictured Jake several times this week running courses...his black tipped, red ears flying in the wind...so amazingly agile and athletic running 22".
• From an agility friend: He was always such fun to watch! What a cute little dog he was!
• From an agility friend: Jake always gave the impression that as long as there were goodies to be had that he'd live forever. You were and are the best home that a multi-rehomed dog could ask for. He knew it and stuck around as long as he could.
• From another club member: Even thought I started agility with a sheltie I have always had and prefer mixed breeds and Jake was one of my heros, proving that you don't need a fancy pedigree to be an awesome agility dog! I will tell my baby mutt Sherman that he's following some big footsteps.
• From my trainer, who fostered Jake until I got him: What a great life you gave him, I thank you so much for that. I am thankful that he was his true self right until the end
• From my other trainer, also fostering: He was certainly a one-of-a-kind dog and companion.
• From an agility friend: He was an awesome dog, taking everything life threw at him in stride, and always having fun and enjoying life. I'll always remember him out there speeding around the courses. He had a great time, even as age started to slow him down. He truly seemed to be one of those dogs who were born to do agility.
• From an agility friend: He was such an inspiring and fun guy to watch! I always enjoyed his exhuberance & enthusiasm.
• From an agility friend: Jake was one of the first dogs I met trialing.
• From an agility friend: He's been around agility for as long as I can remember; it's been 10 years and I seem to remember always seeing his happy smiling face. He was joy to watch.
• From an agility friend: At our very first agility trial - a NADAC/ASCA trail inside the race track grounds at Laguna Seca - you came up and asked me to hold onto Jake while you went away to do some thing or other. Jake warmed up right away and was completely content to hang out with me while you were gone. He relaxed my novice jitters and told me to be calm, everything would be OK. I felt honored to be taken under the wing of that wily veteran.
• From an agility friend: I remember the first time I saw Jake run - it was a Bay Team trial in Sunnyvale about 4 and 1/2 years ago that I had volunteered to work full time (I was agility dog less at the time). I watched you run Jake, smiling at the breed reference on the line sheet of SemiDachshund. I was inspired by the openess, and even enthusiasm, that folks had for mixed breed dogs, and signed up to join Bay Team shortly thereafter. Who knows who else he inspired, but I'm sure there were many.
• From a friend: Being a champion, having crushed the opposition, laying there being fed treats from the hand of a beautiful woman who loves you, what more could a hero want of his passing moment?

Goodies Didn't Cause Seizures

SUMMARY: Clarifying that brain tumor most likely cause.

Although I thought I was clear in my email/blog post that the tests had eliminated most possible causes (including goodies) of Jake's seizures except a nodule or tumor on the brain, several people have asked about the goodies. The emergency clinic did quite a panel of blood and urine tests on Jake right after the first seizure, and everything was normal. This ruled out some causes of seizures, such as hypoglycemia, liver disease, or kidney failure. Xrays showed nothing odd in the stomach like lead fishing weights that could have caused sudden lead poisoning. I was able to provide the vets with the torn-up packages that Jake got into, and they said that there was nothing in the ingredients that would cause seizures even in quantity. As far as I was aware, there had been no trauma to his head at all to cause swelling, another possible seizure cause, and there were no symptoms of concussion, edema, or encephalitis. And no signs of heart problems or tumors, which could also have caused seizures.

Most likely at his age, they concurred, it would be a brain problem, and not even most probably a stroke but more likely a tumor or other nodule or growth in the brain. They considered that his brief stroke-like symptoms--having trouble standing--two weeks ago today was much more likely related than was his goodie fest. Furthermore, his main post-seizure symptom--pacing steadily in one-directional circles--is very typical of a brain tumor on that side of the cerebral cortex. And he had been drinking prodigiously all day, which could have been related to the goodies but I think he'd been doing it beforehand, too--don't remember--and that's another symptom of brain tumor.

I followed up with some reading on the internet, and nothing I found contradicted these opinions (which two emergency room vets and my own vet all agreed on). Basically, any one thing could point at several causes, but put everything together, and the brain tumor seemed most likely.

At 15, and with the seizures coming quickly, lasting forever (in excess of 3 minutes each) and miserable confusion and loss of self combined with horrible despairing yowling any time we tried to get him to hold still or confine him, lasting for hours after each, it seemed pointless to do more diagnostic tests. If we had confirmed it was a tumor, we could have put him on constant antiseizure meds, with no guarantee that they would work. If it wasn't a tumor, we could have spent ages doing more tests, also using antiseizure drugs, and maybe or maybe not coming up with an answer. I just couldn't bear to put him through any more of what he'd been through.

A little further reading on seizures in dogs:

• NCSU College of Vet Medicine site
• Dr. Graves site
• Vet Info site
• Claws and Paws Vet site
• First aid for dog having seizure

My Responses to Emails About Jake

SUMMARY: I responded to emails about Jake's passing.

Backfill: added Dec 14, 2018


Jake's versus Rem's seizures:

It's so hard to watch them go through it. This is my second dog whose last day was consumed with seizures. In a way I'm glad that they came all at once--I don't know how I could have lived week after week, watching and waiting and dreading the next one. Jake's seizures were so long and so bad and he was so terrible for so many hours after each one, I don't know that I could have put him through more anyway. [Remington's] seizures were short and recovery very quick, but came so fast after each other on top of known fatal cancer, so it was quite different.

Jake was a good boy:

Thanks for the nice note. He was a good boy right to the end. Well, if I discount the goodies in the car on Saturday. Which, actually, I did. I was annoyed but didn't scold him and kept telling myself, well, he's old, he deserves some slack.

Posted March 6 -- feeling the loss:

The worst part is all my agility dog friends. There seems to have been a rash of old familiar dogs going to the great bone in the sky the last couple of months. Each one hurts a bit.

It has been hard--some ways harder than Remington, some ways easier. I didn't expect a 15 year old dog to go on much longer. But he had been doing so well! Last week I was a total loss to society. By friday afternoon I was starting to function again. I'm doing OK. Until I have to do something like change all the "emergency--rescue my pets" stickers on the windows from 3 dogs to 2.

Posted March 8: Other dogs' reactions:

Tika and Boost don't seem to be particularly affected. First, because they've always been so focused on each other since Boost came to live here, and Jake was such a curmudgeon, in particular to Boost, so there was never a lot of interaction except negative. 

Secondly, they were both there while Jake was having seizures, and after I realized that they were both off the bed and huddling against the door looking miserable, I calmed them verbally and praised them and let them come back on the bed while Jake was recovering. So they both had lots of chances to sniff at Jake and see what was happening and in my own view of the world I think that they knew that something was amiss with him.

Jake Seems Fine

SUMMARY: Jake is home and fine so far. Tests negative.

Jake is home. I had to sit in the waiting room for about half an hour to pick him up and talk to the vet; busy period there. The up side was that I got a bunch of cool dog-related links that I'll post in a bit. The down side was that I could hear him barking, barking, barking back in the back. I'd have told him to be quiet. I'm thinking that the folks back there were only too glad to have him out of there. It was his "I think you forgot about me" bark, such as a couple of times when he's accidentally been shut in the garage, or wants us to open the door for him instead of using the doggie door, or wants something that he thinks is out of his reach (maybe a rawhide on a shelf that I took away from someone or set aside for later).

They did xrays of everything except his head (don't work well thru the skull) and nothing showed up. Blood work normal. Chemistry (?) test normal. Hmm, forgot to ask whether they managed to get enough urine for a test there. They did not give him any antiseizure medication (phenobarbitol etc.); my misunderstanding. He just got one dose of valium and another sedative (ACE, harking back to some email discussions I've seen about what kind of anaesthesia is safe to use on dogs...).

He seems completely normal. Stool is normal now, no more signs of diarrhea. He's still drinking a lot, as he was yesterday (which I also attributed to all those goodies he ate).

Vet says that I can talk to my regular vet about brain scans or spinal fluid analysis. Also said that a first seizure at this age isn't good--usually indicates a problem with the brain (but could also be heart or something else causing lack of oxygen to the brain). If he has more than one seizure in 24 hours, take him in to the hospital. If it's less often, as long as they're not very long, then I can decide to just deal with it or talk to the vet about antiseizure drugs (a la epilepsy).

We shall see what time will tell. I think it's an uneasy coincidence that him getting into everything in the front of the car was followed by the seizure--but it's also awfully close in time to that very brief staggering episode 10 days ago.

Jake at Emergency Clinic after Good CPE

SUMMARY: Jake's status TBD. Bad ending to a lovely day.

Jake had a prolonged seizure in the wee hours of the morning. Don't know whether it's related to that little episode a week and a half ago where he briefly had trouble standing, or to getting into the front seat of the car during the trial yesterday and consuming every bag of Zukes and a variety of other dog treats that he could find. I don't think that he ate anything other than dog treats--can't find any evidence of it and can't think what it would be--but emergency vet doesn't think it would've been caused by dog treats.

They dosed him with phenobarbitol and another drug both to prevent seizures and to ease his horrible panic that continued after the seizure. Vet reports this morning that he's agitated and barking in his crate, and I couldn't tell him whether that was typical for being at the hospital, and they're too busy at the change of shift to let me in to see him and I have to go meet someone in an hour for some photos I've been trying to set up for weeks and don't want to cancel, so I don't know whether just seeing me would calm him or make him worse.

They are trying to get a urine sample and want to do some xrays. It's almost $900 just for the overnight stay and this basic array of tests. They've found nothing in his blood work.

It's really too bad. He seemed very happy to be running in the morning. He did fairly well in Full House--a strategy game in which the handler usually designs the course but in this case was designed primarily by jake who couldn't hear me very well or maybe see me very well or who knows--but at any rate, earned a Qualifying score AND placed 3rd of 6 dogs. His second run was much later in the day, after the gorge-fest; Jumpers, and he was obviously slower, which didn't surprise me considering how much he had eaten. He still earned a qualifying score by only by grace of the CPE rule that drops fractional seconds: SCT was 36 and he took 36.5.

Tika Qed 4 out of 5 classes, and the 5th was a stupid handler trick--I thought that she was over the last jump when I slacked off and said "Good Girl!", but the bar went down right *after* that, so my brain had just extrapolated incorrectly. Sigh. And she took 1st place in all 5 classes (the other 24" dogs made more mistakes than we did in that same class).

Boost Qed 4 out of 5; the fifth was a couldn't-be-easier-to-Q nontraditional Jackpot that I just completely mishandled, got out of place, panicked, and couldn't think on my feet. We had about 20 chances to get it and my brain went south. Sigh.

Still, good for her 1st CPE trial, starting at Level 3 (completely bypassing 1 and 2), and she had two 1sts for the day. Qed in Standard with no faults although went past 2 jumps that I had to bring her back around for, in Jumpers although went pas 2 jumps that I had to bring her back around for, in Colors although missed weave entry and had to come back for it.

Fourth Q was in Full House with a nearly flawless run on a course that I designed beautifully, if I may say so myself--knocked a bar, so ended up with 1 fewer point than Tika, with whom I used the same course. And they were the 3rd and 4th-highest scoring dogs out of 125 competing--the two who beat us (a) are very fast smaller dogs who get 5 seconds more of running time and (b) have running Aframes, and I held each of my dogs on two Aframes long enough for a "good girl" and then release. That was definitely my highlight for the day.

Tika's Jackpot was about 5th highest of all 80+ 3/4/5/C dogs, all but one of the higher-scorers small dogs with more time.

And she was 4th fastest of all 3/4/5C in Wildcard, with all 3 faster dogs having running Aframes and I once again held her for a "good girl". Don't know if releasing her immediately would have beat the very fastest dog who was a full 1.5 seconds faster, but probably the other 2. She was at 4.94 yards per second, on a course including an Aframe, 6 weaves, and a 3-jump serpentine.

Her Colors was 2nd fastest of all 3/4/5/C again, but there was that danged bar down (her only non-Q). That was over 5 yards per second, with a teeter, 6 weaves, and two short, sharp right-angle turns.

Anyway, this is one reason why I like CPE--because we really seem like hot stuff because there is a much-smaller percentage of hot-stuff dogs at CPE trials than at USDAA trials, where any more it feels like 80 to 90% are hot-stuff dogs. Still, I watched so many amazing blazing dogs on course even here this weekend. And I think, because we just normally do so well in CPE, I relax more and therefore do even better than I might on a similar course at a USDAA trial and probably have even more fun with my dogs.

This was good typing this, I haven't thought about Jake for 5 whole minutes. Now it's off to deal with my day.

The Ghost of Nightmares Past

Last night I dreamed that Remington and I were sitting on the couch, his front end sprawled across my lap as was his usual wont. Suddenly he shot to a sit, his face contorting, and then the seizure started. He thrashed, his limbs stiff and jerking spasmodically, and I just held him as gently as I could so that he wouldn't throw himself off the couch like he threw himself off the bed the night he died.

As the spasms died away and he lay on his side, panting, eyes wide, I gently wiped away the foam and strings of saliva from his mouth and face. I stroked him slowly, comfortingly as my mother wandered in and asked casually what was going on.

"It's siezures," I said, "Just like the night he died. I thought they were done with. I thought they wouldn't happen again."

And I woke up crying.