A little Christmas melancholy but a very Merry holiday to you

T-shirt tales—Because every t-shirt tells a story, don't it.
And I have so very many of them. Shirts. And stories. ---- Tell me more. or Read all t-shirt tales

SUMMARY:  It is hard not to feel it. For me anyway. At this time anyway

Source: Discord chat with another writer Dec 22,2023

Somehow I seem to be more busy than before I retired, moved out of state, and left most of my family and friends behind. But I have finished my Christmas shopping since I really have only two family members, two dogs (Only one of them mine), and a couple of neighbors And friends to shop lightly for this year. Such a small number of gifts. So surely I can leave wrapping them until the last minute tomorrow.

As much of my life as I can remember – – and I'm retirement age, so that's...forever – – everyone in the family and their significant others (And often their parents and siblings) and their children and random friends and cousins from near and far and Dad's parents until they died (in the 1970s, but I can still recall how disquieting it felt the first Christmas that neither of them were there) gathered at my parents' house Christmas morning for an astonishing number of Christmas present openings. Even if each person received one gift, that was still a lot, but some of us--like my dad and me--enjoyed giving more than one gift to each person. Christmas at their place became legendary.

Then my dad died in 2015 and it impacted me like a crash and burn. We still all gathered that Christmas and still had a lot of gifts. But he had been the true driving force, And of course their house was good because it was huge because we all grew up in that house. The following year, mom's health declined rapidly and she died two days after Christmas, and we sold their house. We tried for a while, but it wasn't the same. I know they say that, to avoid this kind of sadness during the season, one should create new traditions. We didn't seem to be doing that. I didn't know what to try to create.

[Sidenote: That was a hard, hard year. Lost dad and mom, Tika and boost, dad's cousin who used to spend Christmas with us, and the beloved dog,Who got along well with Tika and boost, of My cousin (dad's cousins daughter) who also used to spend Christmases with us]

I have to work at managing the grief around this holiday. Not looking for sympathy, it's just a thing that is true. Three of us moved completely out of state to basically the same town and we are experimenting with planning a Christmas this year more suitable to three people than 20. We will open gifts, we will have a good meal, we will go for a probably short hike, we will drive out Christmas Eve looking at decorated houses,  we will see about trying to visit some of the many local waterfalls that we haven't seen yet, we will go through our notes and photos from our big trip in October, We will probably watch some Christmas shows or movies. we might do a jigsaw puzzle. Whether a new tradition will spring out of this remains to be determined.

This will be our ninth Christmas without Dad Cheering us on and preparing parts of a Christmas feast to browse from all day and mom trying to keep him moderate and doling out love. Missing them still feels like yesterday.

I have mom's Christmas T-shirt that she received fairly late in her life. It's almost new. I have worn it at Christmas. I don't feel like mom when I do. But the message on the front feels like her.

The Challenge of Mothers' Day

SUMMARY: My mom. Missing her.

I discovered recently that there are different Mothers Days depending on where you live. In the U.S., it was two weeks ago. In the UK, it's today.

Interestingly, a friend just posted on her blog some Mom Musings. Much of what she muses about matches my Mom's situation. 

My family contained 5 kids and Mom and Dad. And the dog. Dad worked "at work" (not at home); Mom stayed home. It was a full-time job. Probably more than full-time. At some point in my teens, I had to start doing my own laundry, sometimes. It was a mystery to me at first, but really it was one of the simplest chores I probably had to do then. I'm sure I resented it.

Mom in her 50s, peeling apples and prepping them for apple pie or some other apple dish.
On the back deck. (note the sugar/flour/spices mixture in the measuring cup.)

So she did all that Laundry. Making sure we had meals 3 times a day (if it were a school day and we didn't like the cafeteria offerings, she might make us sandwiches; my favorite was cream cheese and jelly), vacuuming, dusting, more laundry, always in Mom mode for her kids--

My dad's photo of her. Probably in her 40s. 

Even when we camped, Mom cooked. Yosemite, early 1960s.
(Dad would do the tent, carry things, find firewood and chop it up--like that.
At least, that's how I remember it. Reality says that they probably 
helped each other.) (Dad's photo)

Oh. Plus cranking out all those babies. Plus Diapers. Sleepless nights. Breast feeding.
Starting in her 20s.

Nine years later...#5.

So I don't know how she managed to have time for gardening. But she made that time for herself.  Earliest I remember was at the place we lived when I was in 1st/2nd grade, the first house that my parents actually owned. She let me plant some seeds, too, and they grew. I was hooked. At the next couple of houses, she grew food, too.  This is how we learned that dogs figured out that cornstalks held ears of corn--and how to get at them.

Mom in her 30s, at that first house with part of her garden! (Dad's photo)
The house was new, so bare dirt ruled when we arrived.

(Oh--and she always had other activities, too! A Girl Scout almost her entire life,
she served as troop leader for two or three years, as well. And Environmental Volunteers.
And League of Women Voters. And more.)

I have no photos of her doing any of those things except I think one photo of her standing at the kitchen sink (*found some others in Dad's photos just now* ... and a few more of mine*). All those everyday things that it never occurred to me to photograph until much later in life. OK, film and processing were expensive, but if I had had any tiny thought about reminiscing about NORMAL life, not just vacations and activities, I'd have taken so many more.

Mom in her 70s. She never wanted to lick the beaters herself, 
so would offer to anyone around, particularly her kids.
She didn't have much of a sweet tooth. Dad did.

I gradually started taking more, the older I got. But by the time I was really into it, Dad had retired, she was mostly arthritis-ridden, and Dad had started doing most of the household tasks (cooking (as little as he could get away with, not always the healthiest, which Mom had made a priority), cleaning, laundry). He mowed the lawn and trimmed the shrubs and trees and really took good care of the yard until we finally convinced him to hire a mow-and-blow team in his 80s.

Mom was the reason we had flowers to stand in front of
for all the important school photos.

[Poor Dad, I just thought about this now: Thought he was retired, but nooooo--took over Mom's full-time job. At least there were no kids living at home any more.]

Dad at 70. 

But yard wasn't the same thing as garden.  Mom still tried to keep up in one small plot out front, probably with Dad's help, or some of us kids. She loved flowers and birds. I learned so much about all those things from her. Someone hung a hummingbird feeder in front of their living room window, where she could see it from her favorite chair. And the hummers gladly came.

I miss all of that. I miss her. And Dad.

Dad in the kitchen

Mom in the kitchen

Goodbye to Mom and Dad --

SUMMARY: Two years after the actual final goodbye.

I just posted their expanded obituary, now here at Taj MuttHall dated Feb 25, 2017. That was an early draft after several edits from all of we sisters five. But obits in the San Jose Mercury News were so expensive that we eventually edited it down to bare bones for publication there.

We ended up posting separate, slightly different, obits for each of them in the SJ Merc.

Goodbye, Mom and Dad

SUMMARY: Their history.

Backfill: Added Feb 18, 2019.
Feb 18, 1:35 PST: Added more details here and there.
Feb 19, 6:12 p.m. PST: Added 50th anniversary photos at the end.

Note: This is their expanded obituary. The very shortened versions as published in the San Jose Mercury are posted in my Feb 18, 2019 post.

Parents’ Obituaries
Feb 2017

Robert J. (Bob) Levy
Sept 20, 1930-Aug 10, 2015
Resident of Cupertino

Louise W. Levy
Nov 30, 1928-Dec 27, 2016
Resident of Cupertino

Bob and Louise married May 22, 1954, in Endicott, New York and remained sweethearts through their 61 years of marriage.

Bob, before they met

Bob was born in Jamaica, Queens, NY and lived there until college. He mastered the subways and buses at an early age and loved the Museum of Natural History and the New York Public Library. At the age of 12, he entered Brooklyn Technical High School “as one of the smallest boys” with an Aeronautical major. He graduated “as one of the tallest.”

Bob attended Hillsdale College in Michigan for 2 years, followed by two years of study at the New York State College of Forestry in Syracuse, pursuing his love of the outdoors learned in part through four summers working as a counselor and caretaker at Old Oak Farm. After this, he worked briefly as a rodman on a survey crew.

Most importantly, in Syracuse he joined the Syracuse Outing Club, in which he participated enthusiastically and met the equally enthusiastic, intelligent, and attractive camper and hiker Louise. They knew each other through the Club for a while before starting to date in mid-1951.

Very shortly thereafter, the government called on Bob to serve in Korea during the war, from 1951 until 1954.

Within weeks of his return to the states, he and Louise married.

After that, at SUNY Albany, Bob graduated with a BS Cum Laude in Math and an MS in Physics.

Louise, before they met

Louise was born in Massena, NY. Several generations of her relatives and ancestors had lived in that part of the state. She joined Girl Scouts in 1938, and participated in one form or another until her last few years.

Her family enjoyed outdoor activities, particularly canoeing and camping in central and northern New York state. Birds fascinated her, and she could be found with binoculars to her eyes and a Peterson’s Field Guide in her pocket for decades, anywhere she traveled.

At Syracuse University, she earned BA and MA degrees in Early Childhood Education. Although she dated other students there, she fell in love with the “romantic” and “funny” Bob Levy (as her diary reveals). They became engaged.

After graduation, she taught elementary school for a few years.

After they married

They moved to Albany so that Bob could complete his degrees. Louise became pregnant right away, which began her long career as mother, homemaker, and community volunteer. Although the first child lived for only a day, a year later they had another girl.

After SUNY Albany, Bob and Louise took a summer job managing John’s Brook Lodge in the Adirondacks. Both enjoyed it. After the summer, they moved to Newcomb, NY for Bob’s new job as a high school science teacher, where their second girl was born. Two years later, they received an offer to manage Adirondak Loj in Lake Placid, NY, and worked there for a year and a half, during which time their third daughter arrived.

At that time, for ethical and logistical reasons, with three children, Bob looked for a better opportunity. Systems Development Corp. offered to train him in the new industry of computer programming with the potential of a job offer if he did well; the catch was that the training and potential job were in Santa Monica, CA. So they packed their belongings in their Chevy Carry-all and drove cross-country, which seemed like a world away from their families and relatives in New York state. Bob got the job and stayed with SDC through a move to Colorado Springs, CO, just before which their fourth daughter arrived. There, they bought their first brand-new home and painted it bright yellow.

When the SDC project was cancelled, Bob accepted an intriguing job at IBM in Poughkeepsie, NY, developing systems for the yet unreleased IBM 360. So, with four kids and the fifth girl on the way, they sold their house and drove back to New York. There, they bought their next brand-new home and painted it bright yellow.

Louise began finding time to volunteer with the Girl Scouts, including as a troop leader.

Bob’s IBM job took them to Cupertino, CA, in 1968, where they bought a brand-new five-bedroom home. They lived in that, yes, bright-yellow family home for 48 years, until their deaths. Bob eventually worked for a variety of technical firms as a software developer, then briefly as a machinist along with Louise as an admin at the same company, before retiring.

Bob took an interest in local politics, served on citizen committees for the Cupertino City Council, and once ran for Councilman.

Louise joined the League of Women Voters in 1973 and remained active as Secretary until her last couple of years. She also joined the Environmental Volunteers, for over 30 years helping school children to understand and enjoy our natural environment in the classroom and on hikes. She volunteered for a while as a school librarian. (At Lincoln?*) . Louise attended Union Church and sang in the choir there from 1968 until her death.

Bob and Louise loved to explore this country, to hike, to camp, and to canoe, and, starting from their days together in the Outing Club until very late in life, they kept it up weekend after weekend and summer after summer, introducing their five children to the delights offered by nature and at parks and museums across most of the states in the US. They devoted months together researching, writing, producing, and selling some of the first detailed trail guides for Rancho San Antonio and other area parks.

Together, they also taught First Aid classes for the Red Cross and volunteered at polling places during elections. They enjoyed genealogical research and wrote, transcribed, assembled, and published a variety of books about their ancestors. Through their efforts they made contact with, and kept in touch with, many distant relatives.

They loved having family gatherings, and hosted birthday dinners and holiday dinners at their home every year, including a yearly, nearly all-day Christmas smorgasbord and gift exchange with what became a large extended family.

They were generous with their time and money (as budget allowed) to family and neighbors and set high standards for moral behavior by their examples.

They are survived by their daughters Ellen, Ann, Linda, Susan, and Sharon, sons-in-law, six grandchildren, Bob’s cousin Carol Anne Munson and her children, and Louise’s niece, grandniece, and great-grandniece.


Remembrance 2:00 February 25, 2017 at Union Church in Cupertino


* Things to double-check.
Also: When did they get engaged? Did Dad propose?
When exactly did dad report for army duty, when did he leave for Korea?

There are tons more unsorted unlabeled photos of the two of them together on my photo site.

1954

2004, 50th Anniversary

2013