And to you your xxxwassailxxx Wagtail Too

SUMMARY: We haven't been walking the dogs for so long--

More best-loved lyrics straight from your favorite, K-TajMuttHall radio

--and that's where K-TMH dreams up so many of their fun Alternative Lyrics.

Here's from yesterday.

Here we come a snuffeling [it's 3 syllables, yes, just--sing it like that, ok?] along the weeds so green
And here we are a-wandering so furry to be seeeeeeeennnn--

Treats and toys come to you, and to you a wagtail too
And Dog bless you and snuggle you with flappy floppy ears
    And Dog snuggle with flappy floppy ears

We are not evil squirrel thugs who rob your feeder seed
But we are neighbors' puppy dogs who are always starving because no one gives us regular meals so food is what we need

[Co-author's note: Dog poets are not always known for their innate rhythm sense, nor veracity]

Treats and toys come to you, and to you a wagtail too
And dog bless you and snuggle you with flappy floppy ears
    And dog snuggle with flappy floppy ears

Dog bless the master of this house no matter gender role

And give us rotten apples please to bury in a hole

Treats and toys come to you, and to you a wagtail too
And dog bless you and snuggle you with flappy floppy ears
    And dog snuggle with flappy floppy ears

Doves, Music, Lyrics, and the Mysterious Ways of Brains

SUMMARY: They weren't the lyrics I thought they were.

[I *swear* I'll have something up about the new house tomorrow.]

On a driving trip through Arizona in 2010, taking photos as I went, I took a shot of blooming saguaro cactus and realized that it had a lovely dove perched on it taking sips of water from one of the flowers. I looked it up in my bird book: White-Winged Dove. Because I always like to know. 

 For some reason the topic of my vacation (or of birds or I don't know what) came up later in my dog agility class. I told about the bird drinking from a flower. What kind of bird? A species I'd never heard of before: White-Winged Dove. 

One of my classmates said, "oh! Like the song!" And it took me no more than a blink and two heartbeats to know exactly what she meant and to realize that the lyrics I'd thought for nearly 30 years were "like the wild wind does, sings a song sounds like she's singing" were not the actual lyrics. 

How I made that connection so quickly, I have no idea. She said nothing else about the song than those four words. I wonder what expression I had on my face.

Country or Western?

SUMMARY: My latest musical effort. Without any actual music.

From a Facebook Group Oct 8, 2021

This morning, doing my usual preflight check before going downstairs, I said out loud:

My phone is in my pocket
My dog is in the yard--

I know a winner when I say it, just needed more lyrics. Let it percolate a bit, and new realization: Negative would be funnier than positive. Plus I could squeeze in a pun. 

The result: My first-ever country/western song. Top 10 hit for sure.

My phone is in the toilet,
My dog escaped the yard,
My truck is in the kitchen,
My life is dog gone hard.

Smugly self-satisfied, I posted that to a group that loves mostly sophisticated kinds of humor* (ah, hubris rears its head again). And within minutes, someone responded:

If the phone is in the toilet, what are you writing this on?? 😂😂😂

Challenge accepted! I sat staring at my screen, working an answer. Took only a couple of minutes to respond:

Hmmm. Next verse?

My Mac is at the Genius Bar
My PC’s screen is blue
I stole my neighbor’s Android
So this message could get through.

Success!
Doggerel is easy. Although I think it actually keeps its rhythm. I'm sure you'll let me know

-------

* "Welcome to the Devotees of the Style Invitational, the long-running weekly humor/wordplay contest in The Washington Post. Our humor is usually sophisticated, sometimes crude -- from the haughty to the potty. The atmosphere in the group is irreverent, but there's no trash-talking." 

The Happy Tug-Playing Wanderer - Val-deri!

SUMMARY: There are consequences --Only the best misheard lyrics from K_Taj MuttHall.

I posted on FB this morning, slightly different lyrics.

True story.

Zorro loves to play some tug;
He really has the knack.
And then I sit inside and sing,
An ice pack on my back.

Val-deri,Val-dera,
Val-deri,
Val-dera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Val-deri,Val-dera.
An ice pack on my back.

Nothing says "I love you" like interrupted sleep

SUMMARY: Morning Brain. From K-TMH, only the finest in hijacked lyrics.

Beware of nocturnal dogs

True story. In music from K-TMH. 
(Tune of Morning Train; see below.)

… … 

He barks all day
And begs to play
But still wakes up at night

My doggie wakes me up at three;
He has to go outside to pee.
He searches for a friendly tree
While I sit waiting for him...

This has become a frequent issue in the last three months. 

We are not amused.

You must watch the original official Sheena Easton video (also below) to see state-of-the-art music videos and trains from 1980. 

I'm not thinking about my age. I'm not.

That poor guy--works 9 to 5 and then takes her out for the evening and then they play all night? When does he sleep??

Musicals

Part of the theater's art--featuring the musical Audrey Hepburn! -- Eastridge Mall, San Jose

SUMMARY: A meme thing from Facebook

I responded to a friend April 23, 2021. In my usual overly verbose way. How about you?

Original request:

• Musical I hate:
• Musical I think is overrated: 
• Musical I think is underrated: 
• Musicals I love: 
• Musical I cherish: 
• Musicals I could listen to on repeat: 
• Musical I still want to do: 
• Musicals that made me fall in love with musicals: 
• Musical that changed my life: 
• Guilty pleasure:
• Musical I am surprised I like: 
• Musical I should have seen (live and in person) by now but haven’t: 

Set for Hamilton, Orpheum Theater, San Francisco

Taj MuttHall's answer:

Most of my musical experience comes from the movies (or official videos of the live performances). FWIW.

Musical I hate:      I like musicals with some semblance of a story. Hence, not keen on Cats (singing about being cats, I guess) or Chicago (singing about the crimes they committed and who is more popular because of them, I guess--although at least it has more plot than cats. Not that that is hard to do). I haven't seen them enough to hate them, and I didn't see them live, so can't say I wasted money on them. They probably fall better into:

Musical I think is overrated:      Cats, Chicago, Mama Mia (it's ABBA songs. Period. Oh--wait--it also has more plot than Cats. I love ABBA music on its own.)

underrated.     .. no idea.      Maybe South Pacific? This site rated it #88! WOS100: The top 100 Musicals of all time!

I love: 

• My Fair Lady, 
• The King and I, 
• The Sound of Music, 
• JC Superstar, 
• Carousel, 
• A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to the Forum

I cherish:         pretty much the same. Maybe    Mary Poppins (the real one*)

I could listen to on repeat [and have!]:    JC Superstar

I still want to do:                                 As in, act in?

Made me fall in love with musicals:    See above

Changed my life:           Hm. A musical. Changing my life. Nope, don't think so.

Guilty Pleasure:               Pinball wizard [do "rock operas" count as musicals?]

Surprised I like:            drawing a blank

Should have seen (live and in person) but haven't:    There is no should, only do.

Musicals I *have* seen live pro (not community theater): 

• Les Miz. 
• The Wiz. 
• JC Superstar. 
• Wicked. 
• Book of Mormon. 
• Hamilton. 
• ... oh, surely I've seen more than that... (yeah, quite a bunch more in community/college/whatever theater)

Musicals I've seen the movie version of: at least 30 of the 100 on the aforementioned list. And, I realize, more that aren't on that list.

(Really what I like are Gilbert and Sullivan. But they're comic operas, not musicals.)

------------

* The recent travesty was, well, OK, but really why bother with the remake?

Book of Mormon backdrop, same theater, Angel Moroni at the apex

Missing Disney Parks and the Parking Lot In Particular

SUMMARY: I'm an addict... sort of...

Disneyland is my happy place.

Not my only happy place, but pretty much guaranteed to be my happy place when I'm there. Which I try to be, roughly every couple of years.  Except, haven't been since November of 2017, and then I did very little in the parks because we were there for races (5Ks, etc.) and friends.

Looking across the dustpile that would become Disney California Adventure towards the Anaheim Convention Center.

We did Walt Disney World nearly a year ago, but it's not the same: Disneyland is home. The addition of California Adventure in 2001 at first was a disappointment but has gradually improved after the huge Disney Corp filled with some of the most creative people in the planet recognized their design flaw, which probably most of us saw while they were still building it:

Let's build an amusement park about doing fun and famous things in California, and put it in... California! 

Now it's better. With some cool attractions that we always make time to do. 

Clearly *something* will be built in here; hoping it will be cool.

However, to add Disney California Adventure (and Downtown Disney, which is between the parks -- a long pedestrian-only street of shops and restaurants, all of which are pretty good and we have a couple of favorites), they built it atop where the dearly beloved parking lot used to be. The one that was right next to the entrance. Convenient. And shoved all the parking into distant huge and pricey parking garages. I've never parked in one, but friends who drive up to join us sometimes don't get to us for as much as half an hour.

Used to be parking lot.

Today, someone posted in the Facebook Group MiceChat, 

"Does anyone remember [the] old parking lot for Disneyland where Disney’s California Adventure is now!"

I said:

Ooooh yeah I remember--for an extra fee you could park in the spaces closest to the entry if there were any left. So we'd get there early. Miss that for sure.

When we were kids and parents took us to Dland, we had a camper, so the camper would be available if someone needed a nap or for meals--Miss that for sure, too.

Discovered that my Dland-going partner seester had already said:

loved preferred parking. We could leave a cooler and coats in the car, and walk out for lunch and stuff, without having to pay for a locker.

And THEN... I just couldn't resist. Pulled up my photos from 1998, when it was all about bulldozers, not much of a hint about what was to come (views from the monorail),  and this came out:

DCA was the old parking lot
Now it's DCA, not the old parking lot
Been a long time gone, Oh the old parking lot!
Now it's walking afar nowhere near your car--

So, Take me back to the old parking lot
No, you can't go back to the old parking lot
Been a long time gone, Oh that old parking lot
Why did the old parking lot get replaced?
That's for all those new attractions we've embraced!

(Here's the original gold-selling version of Istanbul by The Four Lads, 1954.)

The Turks aren't the only ones who rename things--
Looking across the DCA construction to the hotel originally owned by Tokyu that opened in 1984 as the Emerald of Anaheim.
It was renamed Pan Pacific Hotel, Anaheim in 1989 when Tokyu merged its Emerald and Pan Pacific hotel divisions.
Disney purchased the hotel from Tokyu in 1995 and renamed it Disneyland Pacific Hotel.
The hotel was rebranded as Disney's Paradise Pier Hotel on December 15, 2000,
named after the formerly Paradise Pier (now renamed Pixar Pier) area in Disney California Adventure Park that the hotel tower overlooks.

Hotel COVID-19

SUMMARY: Best topical adulterated lyrics from K-Taj MuttHall.

Posted on Facebook: 4/24/20

Welcome to the COVID-19 lockdown
Such a lonely place (Such a lonely place)
Such a covered face
Plenty of gloom at the COVID-19 lockdown
Any time of year (Any time of year)
I'll have gloves on here....
....
Last thing I remember, I was
Pounding at the door
I had to keep some six feet back
At the place we shopped before
"We're out", said the night man
"We need TP to receive
You can checkout any time you like
But paper never leaves"

... ran out of energy before the end there. And it's pretty lame. Anyone want to improve or add to it? (If you google "welcome to the hotel california covid parody", some people, unlike moi, actually sing their versions. Like this one.)

Best New Lyrics From Working In The House Today

SUMMARY: More corrected lyrics from your favorite station, K-TMH

First posted on Facebook June 29, 2019

TWO songs today--one by a guest poster who was inspired by my first song! (Below the photos.)
Such fun on Facebook!

But first: Taj MuttHall original:

Who's that barking in my yard?
Who's that making that noise?
Do me a favor, open the door, and tell 'em "Quiet!" 

Little Zorro, Brother Chip
Spunky Zorro's got some lip
Handsome Chipper, might take flight
Open the door and tell 'em "Quiet!"

-- True story. McCartney just got the words wrong.

Zorro barking while playing the tunnel game with Chip

Chip barking through the fence at next-door dogs

More lyrics from Kevin Cunningham, another creative dog owner (but Chip is not his dog's name).

Who’s that barrrrrking at my door?
Who’s that barrrrrking at my door?
Who’s that barrrrrking at my door?
Said the sleepy Ellen.
It’s Zorro and me, and we had to pee!
Said barkiful Chip the doggie.
We’ve got a squirrel trapped up the tree!
Said barkiful Chip the doggie.

-- Sung to tune of Barnacle Bill the Sailor (don't blame me if you look up the originals online)

The Problem With No A/C When You Want To Take A Shower on a Hot Day

SUMMARY: More reimagined lyrics from K-TMH.

Facebook: Posted there originally earlier today.

I have no A/C in my house. I close all my windows early to keep hot air out. Which works about as well as standing and waving your arms in front of roaming buffalo to get them to stop moving, which is maybe not as effective as you might think.

I showered around noon today in my bedroom shower. The results inspired me to provide new words to an old favorite song.

Home, Home, San Jose

I took a hot shower
At a very late hour.
Now it's humid in here, I must say.
I think I am hosed:
With the windows all closed,
My room will be steamy all day. 

Home, home, San Jose,
Where the skies are not cloudy all day,
Where the temperatures soar--
Dang, I can't take much more--
I wonder how much a really good central air conditioning system costs to install ... anyway?

Original music and words

Folsom Toenail Blues

SUMMARY: If Johnny Cash had a dog...

Radio Taj MuttHall (K-TMH) hasn't posted in a lonnnnng time. So here ya go. True story.

I hear those toenails comin',
They're clicking down the hall.
I ain't clipped those dog claws since
Adam was small.
I've got to grab those clippers
And then the Dremel tool.
Then I must clip them shorter
While doggies sit and drool.

When they were only puppies,
My groomer told me, gal,
Keep their toenails shorter to
Improve the dogs' morale
But I let them grow like bamboo,
So now they're ten feet long
And if those puppers jump me,
That sure will end thi

Hit a kitty cat with a brick bat and sing nonsense songs

SUMMARY: And I don't mean the ones that I make up.

I often sing to myself, and also to whatever dogs happen to be around at the moment. The other day I started singing:

"...hit him with a brick bat
sing song kitty cat chi-kymeo
Chikeemeo chi-kymeo my deereo my dell
Hi ho income paddywinkle
something something something something
hit him with a brick bat
sing song kitty cat chi-kymeo"

I thought:

1. Where did that come from?
2. What does it mean? 
3. It's so garbled! Maybe something from when I was a young child and I've completely forgotten the real lyrics because most of that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever?
4. I should look it up on the "interwebs"!
5. What did we ever do before the WWW?

And, so, I found out:

• It *is* just nonsense, because, after all, kids love nonsense songs... or at least I know *I* did. And, OK, still do.
• It's an old Appalachian folk song, origins unknown, meanings unknown. This is cool, because my home territory from most of my childhood includes the Appalachians (northern).
  Lyrics similar to what I remember.
  Web site with many versions.
• (And because this is an educational blog [???], if you want to know *really* what Appalachia is--you're out of luck, because it's pretty nebulous.)
• Wow, so where did I learn it?  Didn't find it on the couple of childhood records that I still have, but my recollection is a male voice on a record. I perhaps will never know...
  
  BUT... I'll keep on singing it!

Gratuitous kitty cat, not singing a song (Los Gatos Creek trail, February 2010)

Dog Musicals

SUMMARY: Titles of dog musicals -- from a Facebook post by a friend

(FB post is public)

Robert loves puns. And so, apparently, do many of his friends, who are clearly up on the latest dog theater culture. With permission from Robert, the titles (and more), with credit for the person providing the title.

First, this subset of musicals that I would classify as dogs' favorites:

• (Anna Sweet) Cats!
  
• (Mishka Ferguson) Into the Woods
• (Tom Tobey) You're a Good Man Charlie Brown
  

Next are *our* favorite dog musicals:

• (Robert Morgan) Corgi and Bess
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) Westie Side Story
• (Dean Ruggles) Hound of Music
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) My Fair Labradoodle
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) Phantom of the Otterhound
  
• (Donovan Drane) The King Charles Spaniel and I
  
• (Mishka Ferguson) Mary Puppins
  
• (Mishka Ferguson) Fiddler on the Woof
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) Forty Shepherd Street
• (Jeff Cooperman) Runt
  
• (Robert Morgan) Thoroughly Modern Collie
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) Hello Collie
  
• (Mishka Ferguson) Best Little Doghouse In Texas
• (Iván Cavero Belaunde)   I am the very model of a modern German Shepherd…
  (Taj MuttHall notes, technically this is a song title--from The Pirates of Vizslance?)
• (Tamsen Mitchell) Laberet
  
• (Tamsen Mitchell) The Mikapoo
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) Pomilton
  
• (Mishka Ferguson) Guys and Dogs
  
• (Tamsen Mitchell) Avenue Poo
  
• (Anna Sweet) Mary Puppins
  
• (Robert Morgan) Jersey Good Boys, featuring the hit song “Stay”
  
• (Arlin Robins) Nope, Robert - Jersey Borzoi.
  
• (Mishka Ferguson) Noodles FTW!
  
• (Arlin Robins) The Unsinkable Collie Brown.
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) Les Malinois
  
• (Linda Levy) You’re a good dog, Charlie Brown..
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) Amadaneus
  Ellen Levy Finch) You have a dog named Dan?
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) Pug of Mormon
  
• (Stieg Hedlund) Pembrokelahoma
  
• (Ellen Levy Finch) OK, this isn't technically a musical, but it has a famous song associated with it: Breakfast at Sniffany's with the song sung by Audrey Shepburn:
  
  Blue merle, lighter than a tri
  Your eyes are like the sky, today
  You toy chaser, you fast racer
  However you're playing, I'm playing your way.
• (Ellen Levy Finch) Dogs! is obvious. Some songs are *clearly* about dogs and dog toys:
  
  • Invitation to the Jellyfilled Ball
  • The Rum Tum Tugger
• (Ellen Levy Finch) Also friend Holly Newman's dog-agility adaptation of a popular song from The Sound Of Barking -- https://blog.agilepooch.com/.../my-favorite-agility-things/
  
• (Linda Levy) Woofin' in the Rain
  
• (Linda Levy) Royal Waggin
  
• (Linda Levy) World's Greatest Showdog
  
• (Ellen Levy Finch) Yellow Pupmarine. (Don't ask why it's yellow) -- with its dog-agility focused title song, The Yellow Contact Zone
  
• (Tamsen Mitchell) Pugmalion
  

Doggy Scratchtoe

SUMMARY: More misbegotten lyrics from K-TMH radio and Mother Goose.

You know the English folk song/nursery rhyme--

Bobby Shafto's gone to sea,

Silver buckles at his knee;

He'll come back and marry me,

Bonny Bobby Shafto!

So. I'm very behind on trimming the Boy Beasts' nails.  I'm always very behind on trimming them. And Zorro has toenails like ... uh... like... untrimmed small dog toenails. Sharp! And then the weather was hot and I was wearing shorts, and then this happened with Zorro:

Doggy Scratchtoe paws at me,

Long red welts across my knee;

Will he stop? Let's wait and see.

Naughty Doggy Scratchtoe!

(Back in June. Just posting now. Whatev's.)

Don't Stop Believing...

SUMMARY: ...Dogs can make a mess of things...

For some inexplicable reason known only to strange quarks, Human Mom has of late been immersing herself in Journey's Don't Stop Believin' ** over and over. At least a couple of times a day. Have rediscovered it after all these years. Man, Steve Perry has a Voice!  Listen to it again; wow! (Plus what lovely music.)

Plus: Vacuuming every. Single. Day.  Sometimes twice!  Jeez!  Add them together--

Just a small town dog Diggin' up a funky log He took that thing inside to chew anywhere
Just a Zorro boy He can't find a normal toy He took that thing inside to chew anywhere
A dead plant from a plastic pot Such a lovely thing they've got Dig it up and spread the soil It goes on and on, and on, and on
[Chorus] Strange dog chew toys Up and down the living room Their remnants lying everywhere
Vacuum, pointless Next it's plum stains on the carpet Makin' me tear out my hair
Working hard to clean the shower None-the-less within the hour The dog is walkin' through the door
Dusty feet and moistened floor Adding up to one big chore Oh, the footprints never end They go on and on, and on, and on
Strange dog chew toys Bringing clods of dirt inside Their teeth leave long lines in the clay
Paper on the ground Envelopes are often found It's some new chew toy every day
Don't stop believin' Dogs can make a mess of things Dog toy stuffing... Oh-oh-ohhhhhhhhh! Don't stop believin'!

** For original lyrics, go here.

Luke Becomes Zorro

SUMMARY: Finally picked a name.

Because I and everyone else have trouble applying "Chip" and "Luke" to the correct dogs, I've blamed it on the fact that they are both short 4-letter guy's names (as in people-guys).  Although Luke is an awesome dog name, I decided to change him up in respect for Chip's previous family, who still occasionally see him--plus I've had 2 years to accustom myself to Chip and he's had 5 years, whereas both Luke and I have had a mere 1 year.  Soooo...

I've been talking about changing it for months.  Asked for suggestions on FB and got a lot of good ones (I'll post them here later).  Tried out a few.

Then, one morning a couple of weeks ago, as I roamed around the house, I was singing (as I often do). This is the song that came into my head, don't know why:

Out of the night,
When the full moon is bright,
Comes the horseman known as Zorro.
This bold renegadeCarves a "Z" with his blade,A "Z" that stands for Zorro.Zorro, Zorro, the fox so cunning and free,
Zorro, Zorro, who makes the sign of the Z.**

And, as I was singing, I once again noticed the door scratches that I have attributed to him, and it suddenly hit me!

Comes the canine known as Zorro...

So, introducing.... Zorro!

Like a shadow, he marked the door and vanished again into the darkness. Well, it's not quite a Z, but he's a superhero, not a writer.

** From one of my most favorite TV shows; here's the music (and a sample show, if you want to see something kind of hokey but at the time I loved it): Zorro theme song and show

Kibble Song

SUMMARY: Just some positive and some silly lyrics in a difficult month.

OK, think Annie Get Your Gun:

Got no mansion, got no yacht,
Still I'm happy with what I got.
I've got the sun in the morning
And the moon at night

Got the tune? (If not, try this.)  The song itself is something I'm singing to myself as an affirmation.

Still, once that's in my head, it's hard to avoid going here at mealtime--

I feed kibble to my dogs
I must keep them from being hogs:
They get a cup in the morning
And two thirds at night!

That's all I got for ya.

Don't Throw Your Pup In My Back Yard

SUMMARY: I have so much to talk about, so instead I'll do this.

There's this round. It goes like this:
First: One bottle of pop, two bottle of pop, 3 bottle of pop, 4 bottle of pop, 5 bottle of pop, 6 bottle of pop, 7 bottle of pop, pop.
Second: Fish and chips and vinegar, vinegar, vinegar. Fish and chips and vinegar, vinegar and pop.
Third: Don't throw your junk in my back yard, my back yard, my back yard, don't throw your junk in my back yard, my back yard's full.

Hard to find a good version online, as it's basically a kid's and camp song. But this one is fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_je-rbBgOLo

So, when feeding my beasts the other day, I became inspired.  Sing along with the new lyrics:

First: One kibble for pup, two kibble for pup, 3 kibble for pup, 4 kibble for pup, 5 kibble for pup, 6 kibble for pup, 7 kibble for pup, pup.
Second: Balls and bones and tugging toys, tugging toys, tugging toys. Balls and bones and tugging toys, tugging toys for pup.
Third: Don't throw your pup in my back yard, my back yard, my back yard, don't throw your pup in my back yard, my back yard's full.

Hee hee.

Must Be In A Singin' Kinda Mood

SUMMARY: More edited lyrics

Thanks, Andy Williams.  

Blue merle, lighter than a tri
Your eyes are like the sky, today
You toy chaser, you fast racer
However you're playing, I'm playing your way.

OK, that's it, you'll have to fill in the rest, I've got physical therapy things to do.

Rumors abound--is the song about Tika? Or Boost or--?

SUMMARY: It's altered lyrics day!

Oh we started several years ago when I was still quite naive.
You said that you'd do anything for toys and that you would never eat.
But you've turned into a big food hog and now you want all my treats.
I had some treats, they were Zukes in my pocket, Zukes in my pocket and--

You're so trained, you prob'ly think you've earned all those treats
You're so trained, I bet you think you've earned all those treats, don't you, don't you?

(For reference: Original music, ref. verse 2 (at 1:10))