A little Christmas melancholy but a very Merry holiday to you

T-shirt tales—Because every t-shirt tells a story, don't it.
And I have so very many of them. Shirts. And stories. ---- Tell me more. or Read all t-shirt tales

SUMMARY:  It is hard not to feel it. For me anyway. At this time anyway

Source: Discord chat with another writer Dec 22,2023

Somehow I seem to be more busy than before I retired, moved out of state, and left most of my family and friends behind. But I have finished my Christmas shopping since I really have only two family members, two dogs (Only one of them mine), and a couple of neighbors And friends to shop lightly for this year. Such a small number of gifts. So surely I can leave wrapping them until the last minute tomorrow.

As much of my life as I can remember – – and I'm retirement age, so that's...forever – – everyone in the family and their significant others (And often their parents and siblings) and their children and random friends and cousins from near and far and Dad's parents until they died (in the 1970s, but I can still recall how disquieting it felt the first Christmas that neither of them were there) gathered at my parents' house Christmas morning for an astonishing number of Christmas present openings. Even if each person received one gift, that was still a lot, but some of us--like my dad and me--enjoyed giving more than one gift to each person. Christmas at their place became legendary.

Then my dad died in 2015 and it impacted me like a crash and burn. We still all gathered that Christmas and still had a lot of gifts. But he had been the true driving force, And of course their house was good because it was huge because we all grew up in that house. The following year, mom's health declined rapidly and she died two days after Christmas, and we sold their house. We tried for a while, but it wasn't the same. I know they say that, to avoid this kind of sadness during the season, one should create new traditions. We didn't seem to be doing that. I didn't know what to try to create.

[Sidenote: That was a hard, hard year. Lost dad and mom, Tika and boost, dad's cousin who used to spend Christmas with us, and the beloved dog,Who got along well with Tika and boost, of My cousin (dad's cousins daughter) who also used to spend Christmases with us]

I have to work at managing the grief around this holiday. Not looking for sympathy, it's just a thing that is true. Three of us moved completely out of state to basically the same town and we are experimenting with planning a Christmas this year more suitable to three people than 20. We will open gifts, we will have a good meal, we will go for a probably short hike, we will drive out Christmas Eve looking at decorated houses,  we will see about trying to visit some of the many local waterfalls that we haven't seen yet, we will go through our notes and photos from our big trip in October, We will probably watch some Christmas shows or movies. we might do a jigsaw puzzle. Whether a new tradition will spring out of this remains to be determined.

This will be our ninth Christmas without Dad Cheering us on and preparing parts of a Christmas feast to browse from all day and mom trying to keep him moderate and doling out love. Missing them still feels like yesterday.

I have mom's Christmas T-shirt that she received fairly late in her life. It's almost new. I have worn it at Christmas. I don't feel like mom when I do. But the message on the front feels like her.

And to you your xxxwassailxxx Wagtail Too

SUMMARY: We haven't been walking the dogs for so long--

More best-loved lyrics straight from your favorite, K-TajMuttHall radio

--and that's where K-TMH dreams up so many of their fun Alternative Lyrics.

Here's from yesterday.

Here we come a snuffeling [it's 3 syllables, yes, just--sing it like that, ok?] along the weeds so green
And here we are a-wandering so furry to be seeeeeeeennnn--

Treats and toys come to you, and to you a wagtail too
And Dog bless you and snuggle you with flappy floppy ears
    And Dog snuggle with flappy floppy ears

We are not evil squirrel thugs who rob your feeder seed
But we are neighbors' puppy dogs who are always starving because no one gives us regular meals so food is what we need

[Co-author's note: Dog poets are not always known for their innate rhythm sense, nor veracity]

Treats and toys come to you, and to you a wagtail too
And dog bless you and snuggle you with flappy floppy ears
    And dog snuggle with flappy floppy ears

Dog bless the master of this house no matter gender role

And give us rotten apples please to bury in a hole

Treats and toys come to you, and to you a wagtail too
And dog bless you and snuggle you with flappy floppy ears
    And dog snuggle with flappy floppy ears

It Has Come To My Attention

SUMMARY: Some kind of festive holiday thing? "Krismass"?

Feeling: Inexplicably uneasy and, strangely, eager.

It has come to my attention that it is, once again, despite my best efforts, December. It is apparently, without my express written permission, in a brand new year, not repeating any of the perfectly fine Decembers that our holiday factory has worked hard to produce over the years. 

For example, 1987 involved pirates sneaking into our house while we were out doing something important --such as not decorating our tree--and leaving us with a garland skull and crossbones. Remind me to never again give relatives or pirates the keys to my house. At least not while boxes of pending tree decorations are sitting around unguarded. Why has no one submitted a re-use request for this perfectly good December, which required very few holiday decorations for a last-minute reconstitution?

This one was pretty good, too. I'd have signed off on a request for this one. The 2002 when Mr. Alien took over Disneyland. Remember that? It was in all the news. Anyone who neglected to wear their aluminum foil hat was instantly brainwashed into not seeing all the thousands of tiny Mr. Alien-kins swarming the place, aiming to abscond with the rumored "Magic." I don't know whether they succeeded. But then, I never actually saw any tiny Mr. Alien-kins, having left my aluminum foil at home.

1983 had its highlights as well, although no aliens were involved. The household beasts always received a giant rawhide bone each from Santa. Santa must be a dog person. Or maybe the elves are dog elves and Santa just rolls his eyes and goes along with it. Watching them unwrap their gifts gave warm fuzzies to the humans, too. Although why unwrap the whole thing when all you need to start is one end? In fact, why unwrap yours at all when you are a genius husky and are pretty sure that you can end up with two rawhide bones if you play your cards right. If someone had played their cards right and arranged ahead of time with my department, perhaps we could have resurrected this year from the archives.

I wouldn't mind dusting off 1990, either, when everyone in the family received matching "San Andreas--It's Our Fault" t-shirts, which were enchanted like some of those old fairy tales so that we had to keep dancing and laughing while wearing the shirts until we collapsed in the living room to eat cookies, roast beef, candy cigarettes, and matzoh ball soup. My family had an eclectic idea about Christmas buffets. I'd love to dust those off, too. Do you see what I am getting at here? Asking permission is key.

Also, I seem to recall that 1966 would be perfectly reusable, including all of our annual new Christmas nightclothes and not-annual Tressy dolls ("Her Hair Grows!"). Best thing is that they could fit all of Barbie's clothes. Worst thing was how expensive Barbie's clothes were. That Barbie sure could wow 'em at the Met, though. No, worst thing was that I couldn't fit Barbie's clothes. But I could fit my new Xmas nightgown, although I'm afraid that I outgrew it before the following Dec 24. The same thing I did every year, Pinky. But at least I had bright blue fluffy slippers at the time. Pretty sure Tressy is still around in some quiet repose in the playroom here at Taj MuttHall, so redoing that year would be a piece of cake. Or of cookies.

Even Christmas of 1956 holds promise for a revisit, because I still have Dad's hat. Pretty sure I'd look as charming as I did then. In particular, I notice no wrinkles. In me, I mean. Although, in real life, I grew, and the hat shrank.  

Or maybe I transposed the numbers and I mean 1965 instead of 1956. Why I opted to dress like a pirate at Christmas shall remain a mystery.  But, see, if we were reusing this year, perhaps I could solve the mystery. But nooooooo. Also, it is perhaps because I stereotyped pirates as having bad teeth, being visually impaired, and walking with a peg leg, that eventually what goes around comes around and I ended up with a garland skull and crossbones on my tree two decades later. Let that be a lesson: Don't stereotype pirates. Hear that, Disney? It would never sell.

(You can tell it's Christmas because you can see one of the wise men in mom's childhood creche wearing blue and kneeling just to the left of someone's horse that someone added in front. Not confessing who that might have been. Although it's possible that that horse is still in a toy box around here somewhere. Not that it has anything to do with me. But that family might have needed a better way than the back of a donkey to transport mother and child along with all that gold, frankincense, myrrh; hair combs and watch fobs; hippopotamuses; and silver, gold, and drumming drummer boys. Just saying.)

So, in the future, please ensure that you have properly submitted the requests for a December before I have to deny it because the whole corporation goes on vacation December 1, when it is too late to properly implement a new one or reassemble an old one from storage. Who knows what will happen in an unauthorized December. Just this year, I give you after-the-fact permission and will overlook your mistake this time. But don't let it happen again.

Feeling: Nostalgic. Curious. A little at sea. Transmogrifying. 

See? A perfect recreation is possible.
From a 2011 photo

Christmas Paper Chain and Other Memories

SUMMARY: Red and green paper chain

Back at Christmas, I read a story online in which the protagonist makes and hangs a long paper chain made of green and red paper. Instantly it transported me--

Red and green paper chain! When I was young--maybe fifth grade, I made a short paper chain from red and green construction paper. Maybe at school? I used Elmers glue; I don’t think there were glue sticks back then.  One green, one red, repeat. But, inspired because the chain wasn't quite long enough, the next Christmas I doubled its length. 

Then, every year for probably eight years, I added more, MORE, MORE, until it could run all the way around my parents' living room and hallway and around the tree! I didn’t add to it after I went off to college, but I still hung it up every year. 

It needed a larger and larger box every year to store it for next time.

Eventually it fell apart--Christmas lives forever, but no so paper chains – – such good loyal paper rings, bringing a festive feeling to everything. 

Note: I talk about the chain in this old family xmas page, too, under "Poughkeepsie."

Also in this photo (by Dad):
💚 Mom! How young she looks!
🔴 The Little Drummer Boy album (behind the wing-back chair): always there!
💚 Painting (print) of three girls reading--was Dad's parents and
they had it because it reminded them of me and my sisters.
🔴 Advent calendar! On wall next to that. I'd forgotten about it!
💚 Old family clock and I don't remember its origin (but now a sister has it)
🔴 Mom's mug-collection cabinet (over Little Drummer Boy). She didn't really "collect" mugs--she had had a few favorites-- but we kept giving her interesting ones.
💚 Below Drummer Boy, a purple hippo in a blue tutu! I think
  I made that for someone as a gift that year--I'll have to ask--there's a story there, too.
🔴 Books. Of course. Everywhere in the house.

Stuff I've done in the last month-ish

SUMMARY: Random photos Dec 2020

Compare level of activity and travel and variety to this from May 2016.

In summary: We stayed home, or very close to it.
One difference from 2016: I used my iPhone for almost every photo. So quality is not as good. But, well, at least I got the photos. 
... a lot of photos.
............. Over 3000, and we didn't go anywhere or do anything. But here's a flavor of our lives under COVID and around the holidays.

Found in garage: Signs for club's agility trials from wayayayay back.
A frenzy of downsizing: Will try to give away or recycle.

Over several days, watched an astounding variety of specialized equipment
remove and then repave my street's surface

Shortly after Thanksgiving: Ate pie for breakfast!
(It's healthy of course: Yogurt on top.)

Set up my xmas dogs on my front porch. And one in the window.

Walked. Many times. Sometimes twice a day.
Often at the park near home. With mask of course.
Am not posting photos of all of them (walks or masks). 

Hurried for a sunset walk at Martial Cottle Park near home.

Adored gift made by a friend - in blue and purple!

Ate breakfast with dog audience. Every. Single. Morning.

Trimmed my own bangs for the 2nd time this Pandemic.
You can see that they needed it.
I couldn't see anything.

Dog enjoyed sun thru window in my office.

Walked with Zorro. And mask.
At park near home.

Walked at sunset at Martial Cottle Park near home.
This family is wearing masks. Thank YOU! Family! Me, too.

Sometimes cleaned and filled and hung the hummingbird feeder. 

Added the traditional Christmas tree toppers.
Dragon since forever; Mr. Fox since recently.

Spent most of a day photographing and inventorying my yard decor. 
I apparently have a lot.
Some less rotted than others.
Poor vulture.

Walked at sunset in the park near home.

Removed allllll the magnets from my old fridge.

Friends helped bring in a new fridge
(actually their old one, which was 10 years younger than my quarter-century one)
Soon after, I did put all the magnets back on.

Washed dog beds and mats. And cleaned the washer afterwards.

Sometimes did my physical therapy exercises.
Zorro helped.

Occasionally spot-cleaned the living room carpet 
when I forgot to check the dog's feet for mud.
It's now mid-January; a week or so in December is all it has rained so far this year.
Not good.

Walked at park near  home for sunset.

Took Zorro on all my walks.
Not many successful photos of him.

Walked at park near home. In the rain. With mask and Cynosports hat.
Hat did not keep glasses dry.

Played tug with Squeaky Snake or sometimes
with Poison Dirt Toad.
(Like a Poison Dart Frog, but bigger and harder to shoot people with.)

Debated mightily with sis and Bro-in-law about risk of being in same car for an hour.
Decided to; with masks and open windows,
drove through Fantasy of Lights at park not far from here.

Occasionally shopped. For the necessities. Peppermint bark at Cost Plus.
Plus ubiquitous COVID distancing stickers.

Waited nearly a year, to avoid having strangers breathing in my car.
But finally took it in for its year-overdue service appointment.
Not that it mattered much: I'd driven only about 2500 miles for the entire year
compared to my usual 1000+ miles a month.
Walked the 2 miles home from there so I wouldn't have to risk Uber or Lyft. 
 In a batik mask.

Drove 2 miles to the local donut shop and took home... a face?

Jumped out of my seat when my phone started screaming
about an emergency.
It was this.
Same stuff as we've been seeing since March,
just elevated again because of post-Thanksgiving surge. Ugh.

Stay-at-home doesn't include outdoors, as long as you wear masks and stay at least 6' apart.
So, we walked at sunrise.

Walked even on mornings when frost decked the grass.

Walked down the block to take photos of this place.
Note the giant Raiders Santa.
Bet this family is disappointed that the Raisers left Oakland
and are now hundreds of miles away
in Las Vegas.

Sometimes took photos from my back porch.
Of, say, sunrise and tule fog in the park behind me.

Walked a lot. Mostly behind Zorro.

Rescued this spider from the kitchen sink three times.
Living the dream.

Held Zorro's collar and opened the front door every time he insistently barked a warning.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Often several times a day. Started earlier in the pandemic.
More and more all the time.
It was almost always those devious deliveries--just can't trust 'em in your street
--Amazon and UPS vans most common.

Sometimes, for an exciting change of pace, for our walk
we'd drive to one of the shopping centers within a mile from here.
Zorro is a good citizen: No one within 6 feet.

Occasionally, tried to take nice photos of Zorro. 
Always, too lazy to get out the tripod.

Debated mightily with longtime friend, also an amateur photog,
 about risk of being in same car for an hour.
Decided to; with masks and open windows,
drove around my neighborhood taking pix of people's yard decorations.

Set up tripod and lighting and lures for Zorro's eyes and
everything and worked hard at getting a decent shot of us for this year.

During the whole year, shopped by curbside pickup or delivery
whenever I could get what I needed, but sometimes had to actually go into a store.
Got out as quickly as I could.
Such a joy to be there, though, and look at the shelves 
and the produce! In person!

Went to bed early and stayed in bed late as often as I could.
Shortest days of the year in December, so DARK. And CHILLY.
Warm, heated flannel sheets. SOOOOO nice.
Zorro nursed on one of his many binkies a couple times a day.

Set up all the figurines with dogs that I inherited from my Mom's extensive Village.
First time since she died 4 years ago.
Decorated very little this year.
Good thing I left the tree up from last year.

Had Christmas dinner at separate tables with sis and her husby and their black dog, Abby.
Wore masks except when eating.
Had santizing wipes and hand sanitizer at each table.
About a quarter of the people we'd usually have.
Ditto with the food, but it was good.

Repaired a couple dozen things that have been sitting for a long time, including these fellas.

Slowly started doing crosswords again. For some reason, mostly stopped when COVID-19 started.
Don't know why--I've been home more since March by a megalot.
Started work on the paper's annual giant puzzle on Dec 27. 
(Finished it a week later, after 3 hours of work.)

Had takeout once a week or so--for curbside pickup or delivery.
This was a Taco Bell drive-through. We each got a taco.
Can you see the little blur behind him of his tail wagging?

Drove with same friend to San Francisco, masked & windows lowered, for some Xmas shots.
Macy's Union Square.
The red writing on the tree says "Believe." 
I sure hope I could believe that COVID is close to being behind us. Sigh.

New Year's Eve. We both went shopping.
So many tongue-licking nommy things to see and smell!
Went to bed early and quietly.
Thinking so much of Chip.
And glad at least that he wasn't here for this year--
it was a nightmare of fireworks that even disturbed Zorro for about 20 minutes. Me, too.
Then we went back to sleep, hoping for a brighter 2021.