Do not get another dog right now

SUMMARY: Don't. Just don't.

I got Zorro when it was just me and Chip not long after Tika and Boost died that spring

Even though I was adoring getting to know Chip better, I fell in love with Zorro's face (it was not like any of my prior dogs, but that wasn't it--), and I brought him home, and he sucked up so much of my attention, and I have thought often that it was an emotional mistake. I'm trying not to make that same mistake again.

But--the fear creeps in. The same fear that I first noticed 30 years ago,  two years after Amber died.

Old Amber

For those two years, I thought I was done with dogs. Heartache, exhausting, dust and mud and dirt and dog hair everywhere. But as my husky aged and declined--she was 14 already (who knew she'd live to 17!?). And then the fear--

Jim was inclined to get a dog from the shelter or an animal rescue place again rather than to find a puppy in the paper. (If we HAD to get a dog; he was pretty sure Sheba wouldn't be happy about it and maybe we should wait til Sheba wasn't around any more.) 

Told Jim that when we got back from Hawaii it would be time for ME to have another dog because i couldn't bear to have an empty house when Sheba goes to the great goodie cabinet in the sky. 

From my May 17, 1994 post, "How I Carefully Chose the Dog--And the Results"

But: I couldn't bear to have an empty house.
What if something happens to Zorro.
I hadn't expected Boost to die.
Maybe I should try having an empty house, though. Maybe.
Have had at least one dog since shortly after I moved out from parents' to my own place.
Over 40 years. (Plus the family dog before that.)
Maybe it's time.

Or, I could rescue a senior dog, one that's hard to adopt out. Or I could foster.
Could my heart stand either, when they'd leave so soon?

DO NOT MAKE A DECISION IN GRIEF. OR FEAR.

I miss Chip so much. His laughter. His affection. His fun.
And do not miss his flaws.

And Zorro seems like a better dog with Chip gone. Most of the time.

Still--I miss him so much.

Backfilling the last 4 weeks

SUMMARY: Capturing from when things were normal, through Chip's demise, to today.

Updated July 12 with links to posts between June 1 and July 3. In REVERSE ORDER (Oldest at the bottom).

Posted everything under their original Facebook posting dates and times--From June 10 through yesterday. They all have a red text tag indicating this. In some cases, I added more text or photos.

Just letting you know in case you want to revisit any of it, which Facebook makes hard.

-------

You can just expand 2020 in the right sidebar, then click on June to read all of those, then click on july to read all of those.  Or for June 1-July 3:

Here are the ones primarily about Chip or medical things:

• Do not get another dog right now
• Backfilling the last 4 weeks
• Chip Photo Gallery
• Erasing 2
• Chip is Coming Home
• Erasing
• Erasing: The Tag
• Ears
• Showers
• When Chip First Came Home--
• I Don't Want to Lose You
• Goodbye Chip
• The Really Bad News
• Goodbye Mr. Chip
• Fucking cancer
• Everyone Drives to the Vet
• Chip doesn't feel great
• Zorro to Emergency Again -- Probably Nothing
• Big Dog With Little Toys

Here are the ones not primarily about  Chip:

• Looking Back -- Population and Freeways
• Zorro the Mighty Hunter
• A truly lovely evening.
• Zorro Has A Lot Going On
• Martial Cottle Park mini-hike During COVID
• Tunnel Running and Games
• Freedom to Live
• Freedom to Roam
• Humor: Clarion West Writers' Workshop TShirt

Chip Photo Gallery

SUMMARY: Copied off Facebook

Backfill: Photos from FB post of June 17th.

I just copied the photos that I uploaded to Facebook for Chip's obituary on June 17. And put those Facebook photo copies onto my SmugMug photo site where they're easier to find, in Chip Photos for His Obituary.

Sadly, coming from FB, the photos retain zero info about when or where they were taken or what they were about. And not necessarily the same resolution.

And this is all because I couldn't be bothered (had a lot more on my mind), while I was finding them and posting them to facebook, to track where the original files are in my photo annals. 

You likely don't care about that.

I might or might not add captions sometime.

(Also adding this photo link to Goodbye Mr. Chip June 17th.)

Erasing 2

SUMMARY: Goodbye Chip part 2 -- what I'm doing, what needs to be done, quandaries, anger, sleep...

Update: Added some photos July 5. Will probably add more later.
Backfill: Written June 17 -19; posted July 3.


Written June 17-19 while wandering helplessly around the house and yard and crying.

The thoughts are the originals.  After the fact--early July--I realized that I probably had photos to match a lot of these, so started adding. So hard to go over this again. But I'd rather do it while he's fresh in my mind.

June 17

Don’t want to be reminded of the absence of a dog at every turn in every room. My initial reaction this morning was to load Zorro up into the car with me and go away somewhere for four days. Then I started realizing that, if I did that, I would be coming back to all the memories still right in front of me. It’s not that I want to erase him. I just want to reduce what I see.

So things to work on today:

Package and label the uncooked chicken that I bought for him. And put in the freezer. Package and label the cooked chicken that I made for him and put into the freezer. Wash all the pots and pans that I used to cook for him: rice (which he decided he liked for one meal only, and the rest I finally tossed), pasta (which he didn’t like at all by the time I offered it to him) (and which I will try to remember to feed to the other dog is a bonus in the next day or so). And to cook two different batches of chicken. Wash them all and put them away.

Liked rice with chicken for one meal the previous night.
This morning, likes only chicken.
This evening, he won't even eat the chicken if it has touched the rice.

Remove and wash the cover on the dog bed that I bought for him for his sixth birthday then put it back on its Styrofoam base and hide it somewhere. It’s a big bed so this will be a challenge. I just can’t look at it right now.

Pick up all the toys that I either got especially for him or that were his favorites. Hide the ones that are still in good condition. For a while. Hide the ones that were of interest only to him that were his favorites and that he would always bring me. I don’t know why, but I’m going to have trouble letting go. Maybe I can bring myself to toss the ones that are in not good condition but that I saved because he also liked those.

His most favorites.  Interestingly, of all the zillions of toys in this house, Braided Monkey and the RopeBone came  with him from his old home and are still among his top favorites--except that the 2 items next to Purple Hippo are his absolute favorites, and they're actually remnants from larger toys!

Pick up the two different kinds of bowls that I used for his food (see photo above), wash them, stash them in the cabinet in the garage.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do about the two elevated beds in the kitchen. For one dog, I don’t think that I need two, except that, depending on whether they want to be quiet and out-of-the-way, or if I’m eating, then they want to be under the table, but if they’re watching the yard, they might be wanting the one by the door. Anyway, I’m not sure where I would put the extra bed, though its legs do come off.

Bed under the kitchen table.

There are two crates in my bedroom. The one that I think I’ll keep there is the one that Chip liked and most of the time slept in. So I have to decide… I don’t know, Zorro has slept in that one as well from time to time when Chip decided he wanted the smaller one for some weird reason. So maybe I’ll take Chip's bedding out of the big one, move Zorro's bedding in from the smaller one, and put away the smaller one.

Crates in the bedroom.
Dogs are blurry because, as you can see from Zorro being halfway in the air,
they are playing a wild game of chase in and out and roundabout.  January 2020.

Also in my bedroom, in the back corner of the closet, is a dog camp bed (insulated flat one-layer sleeping bag or, like a flat down comforter) that I put back there after Chip's escape from the fireworks that first July, because that’s where he hid for a while before I came home and found him missing. (I know because the bed was soaked with what I think was panting saliva.) So I’ve left it there, and he has used it from time to time when he’s scared of something, or sometimes, I don’t know, maybe he just wanted to be away from Zorro. I’m not sure how easily that cleans, but I have to figure it out and put that away.  ... ...  He spent a lot of his last night curled up there in that corner, with his back to the door; when I got up in the morning, he didn't move and I thought he was already dead.

I know that I have a photo of him  hiding on the bed in the closet, but can't find it.
Meanwhile, there's the puffy tan camping bed in the back corner of the closet.

I need to sweep and vacuum like crazy to get all the pale dog hair out of everything. I need to change the sheets on my bed today because they’re covered with Chip's dog fur.

Call the vet's office and get the expiration dates for the medications that they gave me the day before he died. So I can stash them somewhere just in case they might be needed for someone else, although I am putting out messages to see whether anyone local wants them instead.

Try to avoid thinking too hard about the new dog toys that I just bought two of, two weeks ago. Maybe put one away in a closet.

I'll replace with photo of the actual 2 maybe tomorrow.

I don’t need two crates in the car. Need to take one out, find some place to put it, maybe it’s time to get rid of some of the other soft crates that I’m not using that aren’t in the best condition that I haven’t gotten rid of because, for example, the green one that Chip ripped a hole in the first time I used it at an agility trial, was brand new when he did that. And then there’s the big really ancient teal and purple one that Remington used that I loved, and I’ve not been able to get anything in those color combinations ever since, so that’s a huge souvenir that I really probably don’t need to keep, as part of it is ripped, also, and I would have to have it repaired, and then what: store them all again? I could use the space.

I need to clear out some of the extra leashes from my front hall, and the second harness.

I need to get rid of some of the extra tunnels that I got just last year from a couple of friends specifically to set up a bigger tunnel path throughout the yard, because he loved the tunnels so much and I wanted to give him some variety. I think I have four now that are in shape that someone could use in the backyard, but would need replacing in a year or two anyway.
Zorro doesn’t need six tunnels, I don’t need six tunnels. So I need to evaluate the ones that are in the worst shape to decide which to keep.

Another Chip tunnel game, August 2017

Another photo I remember taking--all the tunnels in the yard--that I am now not finding. Will have to retake.

June 18

I had a hard enough time this morning when I went out to use the hose sprayer to water some plants. He was there every time I wanted to do that the last six years and now he’s not going be there I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to get over that. I certainly can’t get rid of my hoses.

Is this *really* the only photo I ever took of him trying to grab the spray or hose?
When it was almost a daily occurrence for 6 years?
Now I am very sad.

The thunder shirt that I bought for him finally last year and intended to train him to use it when we were comfortable and relaxed, and never did, so now I will never be able to verify whether it helps with thundering and fireworks. The one time I put it on him before the evening started, it made no difference whatsoever.

Thundershirt first arrives. March 2019.

It was hard enough going outside this morning, because he would always go to the same spot in the yard to have his morning poop. Every day. First thing. And he wasn’t there.

March 1

March 5

March 9
Is it rude that I started taking photos of him doing that?
I'm glad that I took some-- back in March-- but kept forgetting to have a camera in hand
as he dashed out first thing, and then I'd miss the shot.  So I gave up after 3 times.

And then picking up the yard and there was no poop for two dogs just one. I can’t do anything about that either.

Picking up the pieces of half-eaten paper from under and behind things where they fell--Chip was, for some unknown reason, fond of eating paper. Later on, he'd sometimes bring it to me after he had chewed off only a corner and drop it at my feet like he would a toy, after I started giving him treat "Trade"s for them. It did teach me to pick up papers from the floor as soon as the fell or I dropped them if they were important. If nothing else were around, he might pull one off the pile to be shredded or out of the paper recycling bin. 

Found this under one of the dog beds after he died.

Piles of toys in my bedroom and at the top of the stairs (and often at the bottom of, or on, the stairs): Chip almost always carried a toy with him when he thought I was heading upstairs for a nap or for the night. Might drop it on the top landing, or just inside my bedroom door. Sometimes when going downstairs after a nap or first thing in the morning, he'd grab one and carry it down with him.

[Another heartache--I can't find any photos of these toy piles!
Surely I'd have taken some--wouldn't I have??]

 Sometimes when I was busy in the bedroom (dressing, cleaning, what-not), he'd select one of the toys and push it against the ground with his mouth while chewing on it, trying to tempt me to play (and/or to find a possible squeaker). Or drop it at my feet to point out that I needed to stop being dull and play with a dog.

He was so very gentle with toys on most occasions. If I gave him and Zorro identical new toys, Zorro would squeak away at it enthusiastically, while Chip would push slowly at it with his nose, or bite it gently and slowly, and when no noise came out, he'd stare at Zorro as if to wonder why Chip always got the defective one. If I picked it up and squeaked it, his whole face would perk up, eyes wide, and then he'd try again, sometimes more forcefully and sometimes not.

When, this past winter, I finally discovered a toy that was of the size he likes and squeaked very easily, i searched for it online and in April ordered a whole box of them. A whole box. Set out 2 so far. And there most of them still sit, and will continue to sit, as my plan was to dole them out as each died. Zorro's not much into small toys, but he'd love to squeak these a little and then tear their ears and legs off and that would be the immediate end to them. I just can't do that.

Just his size -- Original Li'l red dog toy that I now have a box full of new ones. January 2020.

In mid-March, I bought a beautiful brand new, expensive, red and silver name tag for his collar to replace the one where the lettering was wearing out. Its ring was difficult to work with, so I set it on the table for later. As too often happens, I didn't get back to it. Last Friday or Saturday when I trimmed their toenails, I did wipe down his old tag to clear the dirt and make sure it really needed replacing. I pulled the new tag out of the box on the table, and then he started not looking that healthy, and then -- so there it sits.

June 19

His hair is collected on the upholstered backs and the sides of the seats of all of my dining chairs where he rubbed against them going past. I have to get that all off, too. Zorro wasn't quite that tall.

Only one dog’s poop in the yard. Small amounts of poop in the poop bin. Just silly stuff.

Do I leave two crates in the car for a few trips for Zorro? Will it matter to him? I’m moving him into the crate that Chip used to be in. On Chip’s side of the car. He seemed unperturbed when I’ve done that yesterday.

Likewise, do I leave two crates in the bedroom for a while, just put him into the one that Chip used to have for a few more days? I was going to just leave the small collapsible crate up instead of the larger soft crate, because that’s what Boost used her whole life., And that’s where Zorro has slept most of the time when I’ve used the crates. And I think she was a couple inches taller at the shoulder than he is, but he is much more upright than she was, So he can’t stand up completely straight without pushing against the top, which does get very easily, but still…

It has been very hot the last couple of days, so even though I want to get more done, I get very hot and thirsty very quickly, just from, say, sweeping the kitchen and hall. Plus I have to stop and collect myself. Dictating or even writing is very hard about this.

The night he died, I thought I would never get to sleep. But then, somehow, I did, early in the morning, and then slept well over six hours, which is unusual for me. And I don’t remember waking at all during that time.

Last night it wasn’t quite as dramatic; I woke groggily a couple of times to use the restroom, but fell right back asleep. It did take me a long time to fall asleep, though. I read for a while, turned out the light, wept often on for a while, then turned the light back on and read some more. At some point I fell asleep and turned out the light, because when I did wake up, the light was off, and the book was still in the bed with me.

Fitbit shows I slept 6 1/2 hours Wednesday night (the day he died) and 5 1/2 last night. Also shows that Wednesday night, the first four hours were pretty ragged sleep, and then fairly solid after that. And last night, it was kind of up and down and up and down.

Chip has been blowing his coat like crazy. Maybe I notice it more because I rub and pet him more than I do the other dog, so I see it coming out everywhere in clouds. I have been threatening to come them both for a couple of weeks now, and yet never did. Around four today, I did a bunch of combing on Zorro. He’s also blowing his coat. But Chip liked the process; Zorro does it for the treats and gets bored quickly.

At least I did finally get around to trimming their toenails on Sunday. Before I had a clue.

I’m just so angry as well as heartbroken. It just shouldn’t keep happening. I don’t know how to stop it. I do donate a lot to Morris Animal Foundation cancer funds, maybe more than I should sometimes, but this is just awful.

Some people say to give your dog an ultrasound at nine, but Chip's birthday was only a couple weeks ago. And it wouldn’t have helped by then. At Boost's ninth birthday probably nothing would’ve shown; hard to know, of course whether she’d been suffering for well over a year, but it seems unlikely. Unless you’re going to shell out hundreds or thousands of dollars a year for tests for each of your dogs, I don’t see how that helps.

I have been busily washing all of Chip's bedding and then suddenly realized that maybe Zorro would want some of his scent still around. Cried for a while about that, but hadn't washed all of the bedding in the kitchen yet so I'm leaving that for some time later. How long is enough? I have no idea.

6:09 PM

I just saw that San Jose had a 3.4 earthquake Wednesday morning at 10:35 AM. That was me sitting with the vet and the internal hit that was my world falling apart again fuck

Chip is Coming Home

SUMMARY: Heartache and a history of love.

Posted on Facebook, today, 11:07 AM.

This will be a weird day. Chip is coming home. May be in an hour or so. I am glad, and I’m not sure how I’ll hold it together.

It will be another tiny wooden kennel like the others. On my memories shelf. I need two shelves.

Added 12:04 PM on FB: Dr. Kuty dropped him off for me. We kept over 6' distance and she wore a mask (I would have, but I just stepped out of the door to open the cardboard box while she watched).

About the memorial shelf--

• [only here, not on FB:]
• Sam, my family's dog when I was a kid: the teal and brown tile on lower left shelf, I made that of her in Junior High art class.  Not too accurate: She was a longish-haired pale yellow collie/shepherd (guess) mix.
• My first dog, Amber, constant companion: Mom was German Shepherd, dad was Golden Retriever (known facts). Next to Sam's tile--that was a gift to remind me of her.
• Second dog, Sheba, a gray/white Siberian Husky. So easy to find things commercially of such a dog, although not always with blue eyes like hers. Still--there are 3 here in various places; two were gifts.
• Then Remington, my first tricks and tracking and obedience and agility dog. The box on the right of the main shelf, with a tiny photo of him on top.
• My friend Stephanie's dog Sparky, whom I spent a lot of time around and who died of cancer at about the same time that Rem did, is in a little round photo frame next to Rem's box.
• Jake, my super-champion agility boy, in the box with the purple collar around it.  All the boxes have their dogs' collars around or near them.
• Tika's and Boost's boxes are on the left; their photos are on top of Jake's box.
• And Chip--  I might spend this weekend dusting and rearranging and trying to reduce my quantity of books again.
• Also there are some sympathy cards and books, some of the very few "trophies" I ever won, paw prints of several of the dogs...

Erasing

SUMMARY: Chip is complete--

Text mostly from Facebook posted July 2, 2020

Erasing.

You might work for years on a piece of art or a piece of writing, scribbling in the margins, sketching in the shape with pencil, trying little colors or different words. And then suddenly--sometimes without warning--you realize it’s done. So you erase all the extra pencil marks, print a fresh copy of the manuscript with no markup in the margins. Erasing.

So many pencil lines never completed, blank areas never filled
(No idea when I drew this. Intending to fill it in completely--and then suddenly stopped.)

That Monday morning that I took Chip in for his blood test and still didn’t know what was about to land on us, I got home to discover that his leash had dragged behind my car on the freeway at 65 mph for about 15 miles. I don’t recall that ever happening before. The handle became quite filthy. I don’t believe in omens, but clearly this was an omen. I didn't know it then. The next day I learned. I learned.


Two days later--the day after Chip left us--when I took Zorro out for a walk, looking at the leash, a knife of memory said, this leash belonged to Boost, who died early of cancer. And now it belongs to Chip, who died early of cancer. I love it, because I love blue and I love Paisley, but with that realization, it hurts every time I look at it. It is retiring. I will wash it and put it in a box with the other extra leashes for extra dogs. Maybe to use again someday. Or maybe I’ll never be able to resurrect that one.

I bought Zorro a brand new leash today that matches his coat. And that reflects light like joy.

Chip is a completed work of art now. I’ll erase all the bits I don’t want to see. That aren’t needed any more. That break my heart.

Erasing: The Tag

SUMMARY: Someone needs to get some  use from this.

Backfill: Posted July 2. Parts from Facebook originally, June 29.

I splurged on this beautiful, solid, steel ID tag for Chip’s red collar a month or so ago. To replace the cheap one that was wearing out. I didn’t get around to adding it. 

I can't bear to keep seeing it sitting there on the table, where I almost got around to adding it to Chip's collar that previous weekend while the collar was off so I could comb him a bit. He was blowing his coat like crazy. But he liked the feel of combing/petting/caressing. An easy dog to groom.

It does not have the dog’s name on it, so I’ve added it to Zorro’s collar. Even though it doesn’t match.

It is harder than I thought it would be to admit that Chip won’t be needing it.

Ears

SUMMARY: Random Chip. Because. So many things to remember.

Backfill: Originally posted on FB 6/28. Posted here July 2.

Showers

SUMMARY: Things one doesn't expect to hurt so bad.

Backfill: From Facebook originally June 25. Posted here July 2.

I dread getting out of the shower now. Every shower for 6 years, and now--nothing.

Tunnel Running and Games

SUMMARY: Remembering Chip. Missing this happiness so much.

Backfill: From Facebook June 21; posted here July 2

Chip learned to do tunnels from Boost. And he loves doing them. Just not when I tell him too. And he taunts you to chase him. And he loves being wet from playing in the hose, and whenever he rolls around in pleasure inside or out, he makes happy little noises.

I Don't Want to Lose You

SUMMARY: Goodbye, Chip: Sometimes love just ain't enough.

Backfill: From Facebook June 20; posted here July 2

Now, I don't want to lose you,
but I don't want to use you just to have somebody by my side.
There's a danger in loving somebody too much,
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

Are there things that I wanted to say?
And do I feel you beside me in my bed,
there beside me where you used to be?
There’s a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's bad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

[modified lyrics from recording by Patty Smyth]

Goodbye Chip

SUMMARY: My little playing in the hose dog.

Backfill: From Facebook June 19, posted here July 2.

The Really Bad News

SUMMARY: The technical cancer details. But wonderful vets.

Backfill: Most from Facebook June 17; posted here July 3

My regular vet, a wonderful human, took my phone inside to take photos of Chip's x-rays for me. (All appointments are outside for the humans; dogs go in.) And then he sat with me in the parking lot to explain them, AND he brought out a book with sample x-rays from a German Shepherd (appropriate, given his DNA test earlier this year) to compare and let me photograph them, too.

Four x-rays: What his looked like yesterday and what it should look like. Cancer nodules in lungs and other places (?), chest filled with fluid.

Chip's x-ray--fogginess around center is
fluid in his lungs/chest.
Also when zoomed in, you can see
lots of small dots, circles, whatever.
Lots of them. 

What it should look like. Clear. 

Again, fogging is fluid in his chest cavity.
And fuzzy dots/ovals/circles also visible in many places.

What it should look like.

The next vet, Dr. Maria Kuty, who helped me with Boost at the end 5 years ago, came this morning with less than 24 hours notice to ease Chip carefully and comfortably into a deep sleep and then out of his misery completely. One couldn't ask for a better mobile vet for this crushing event.**  She talked and listened and loved Chip. She delivers him to the crematorium and will bring his box back when it's ready.

http://www.drkutyhousecallvet.com/dr-kuty/

** Note: In my mind and heart, it is the cancer that is killing Chip. If I weren't able to give the gift of relief, I'd have had to watch him slowly die over the next day or two, or worse, even a few days longer.  It has been painful to see him the past 4 days get worse and worse and worse. It is Chip dying that hurts so much, not the actions that I requested from the vet.

Goodbye Mr. Chip

SUMMARY: My sweet boy is gone.

Note: Also posted on Facebok, more photos currently.
ALSO NOTE: The original link for this was mucked up, so I reposted. If you bookmarked this before & it appears to be gone--that's why. But here it is, still same date and time.

I can't believe, can't bear it--third dog to die of cancer between 9 and 10. I am grieving for them all now and railing against the Universe.
------

Goodbye Mr. Chip

Chip (Finchester’s Butterscotch Morsel)
May 25, 2011-June 17, 2020

Monday morning, when Chip went to the vet, I suspected pancreatitis. Twenty-six hours later—Tuesday—I learned that cancer and fluid filled him. He is dying. Twenty-one hours later—Wednesday —the vet arrived and, just like that, my long-legged, skinny, perky, happy, bright-eyed boy is gone.

The one who loves people. The one who sometimes worries about something new until he has carefully figured it out. The one who is terrified of fireworks and thunder. The one who, no matter how many times I say “Stretch!”, doesn’t—until we’ve done other tricks and I’ve put the treats away. The one who takes everything cautiously, except exchanging expletives through the fence with the dog next door, except playing in a spraying hose, except for his Indy car tunnel performances. The one so soft, so smooth, who loved hands on him.

Wet dog! Happy spotted tongue!

The big dog with the small, black-spotted tongue who loved tiny toys. Who loved sleeping in his crate.

He interviewed for, then joined, Taj MuttHall in May, 2014 as a rehome from a family who loved him. He was going to be my next agility dog. After the first several classes, though, it became clear that it stressed his slow, studied way of figuring things out (he’d run and hide in a tunnel) and so he became simply a proud and excellent companion dog.

Things he loved the most:

- Going wild with the hose spray (watering flower pots became a challenge). When the spigot came on, he’d fly in from wherever he had been.

- Being touched: Lying quietly on his side being stroked and massaged, or standing for gentle brushing, or pushing his head between my knees to be wiped down after another hose spray experience. For as long as I wanted. And if it weren’t as long as *he* wanted, he’d wriggle and verbally demand more until I started again.

- Blasting through the yard’s agility tunnels full speed, back and forth and around, and then hitting a high-tension play bow just inside the end of one, eyes sparkling, waiting for me to say readyyyyy GO! and then blast to the other end of the same tunnel and wait again. And then explode out to the next tunnel. If I were inside, he’d do tunnels all on his own, the b-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-um sound of a dog breaking the tunnel speed barrier echoing into the house.

- Digging.

- Marking. Everything and often.

- Rubbing his head and back on my wet hair fresh out of the shower.

My sweet volunteer assistance dog—he’d come and get me if I accidentally closed Zorro in the garage, or if Zorro found an open gate and went outside to explore, or if my alarm went off (any alarm, any time of day), or if anything occurred inside or outside that he wasn’t sure what it was or felt that it was out of place in his carefully ordered world.

He is deeply intelligent, in a quiet genius way: He’d consider each piece of each thing I wanted to teach him, maybe for a while, and try a couple of things cautiously, and then more confidently, and then he’d have it. No wildly offering random behaviors for him.

In that way, he replayed my beloved thoughtful-learning Remington (1993-2003), whom he resembled , which is how he ended up coming home with me. Like Remington, he wanted to smell my breath once daily (only 2 dogs to do that). Like Remington, he loved to run, but agility wasn’t high on his priority list. Like Remington, he has cancer in his 9th year.

My heart is sundered.

And yet I am replete with gratitude for those who brought him into my life so that every day I could laugh and smile repeatedly with him and could receive as much snuggling as I wanted. What more could I really ask?

March 20, 2014 - New dog!

That look...!

August 14, 2004 - First time through dog door on his own
(Full set of photos: Dog Door Success!)

June 17, 2020 - Le Chien Soleil 
Really, Human Mom? More photos?

Daily - Full-speed flying through tunnels

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NOTE: the same text with a bunch more photos should be viewable on Facebook at the moment: https://www.facebook.com/ellen.finch/posts/10221178115937779

ALSO, just copied them (and maybe more) to my Smugmug photo site under Chip Photos for His Obituary.

I'm posting this now, butI have many more photos to add. Trying to cull from 6,000 with so little notice--