Four years ago--
Today minus 3 or 4 days [or it might actually have been Christmas morning, but I think it was earlier]: Mom had been bedridden in the den for some time, a month? two? Less? More? Weaker physically and mentally all the time. She missed Dad so much.
I and other people were in the house. I wandered into the den, and Mom already displayed a big smile.
"You look happy," I said.
"I am!"
"Care to share your happiness?"
"I'm waiting for my ride!"
Me--puzzled--"What ride?"
"Grandpa is coming with the sleigh to pick me up!"
Me -- "Okayyyy..."
We said other vague pleasantries--she wasn't talking much now. I wandered back into the other room and mentioned this to someone.
Or it was an uncle rather than her grandfather, I don't remember now.
She had old sleighbells that had belonged to that sleigh when she was a girl, and she loved those memories. She'd hang the bells on the door each Christmas season, so every arrival jingled a joyous welcome. I wondered whether she was thinking of that.
She was so weak. I went home and spent hours working on a slideshow of her and dad, realizing that no physical gift would matter to her at all now, but that she would like this.
Four years ago minus two days: Christmas morning. It became clear when I walked in that she wasn't going to be watching a slideshow or doing anything else. I think that she was just awake enough to say I love you when "I love you" is first offered, but not much more than that. I wish that I remembered more details.
Because, four years ago today, I was still surprised--were we all surprised?-- when she slipped away after my sister called us but before any of us arrived.
Did her grandfather arrive with his sleigh? I've often wondered. It must've been a glorious ride through gleaming unsullied upstate New York snow.
As I stood on her front lawn, watching her being driven away, the skies saluted in the only way they could.
If you're subscribed to my blog and think that you've already seen this come through--you did. I had to take it down and repost to fix its link. - January 12, 2021.
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