I'm Struggling

SUMMARY: How to make the decision.

Boost was such a zombie, clearly uncomfortable, not lying down all morning until maybe 3:00, walking from place to place glacially, as in one step and stand there for a while, not wanting to play, not eating anything. She really did seem like she was done.

Around 1:00 I called the vet and made an appointment for euthanasia for tomorrow afternoon.

But now, I just called and cancelled the euthanizing appt for tomorrow afternoon.

Because, as has been happening, boost perked up a bit between mid-afternoon and mid-evening.

An agility friend brought Ben and Jerry's vanilla ice cream and boost ate a bit of that over a couple of hours, but not really enough to sustain a dog. After about 5:00, she was walking around (Boost, not the friend) a bit more normally, ate another small handful of zukes and a few partial strings of string cheese and a big pinch of shredded cheddar, a noodle from my dinner, but nothing else. However, when we went out to the yard, she grabbed her ball and when I kicked it, she chased it (and grabbed it and then stood there panting heavily). So I'd kick it about 5 feet and she'd pounce on it and stand there with the handle in her mouth while I pulled a couple of weeds to give her recovery time, and repeat repeat repeat for 45 minutes. She was ready to keep going but I wasn't. That is so much different from last night, all morning, and the first half of the afternoon.

She perked up when I asked if she wanted to go for a ride around 8:30 this evening. Clambered into the low center of my van (wasn't going to even try to get her into the crates in the back), and then she struggled--with help from me after she got halfway up--into the front seat, which is where she likes to be.

I bought some cooked shredded chicken at Safeway and just now she ate a whole bunch of it. Well--"a whole bunch" being relative, really maybe an ounce of chicken if that. All of this is not going to sustain her long-term. But that's more at one time than she's eaten of anything in a few days. I guess I should be weighing things to see how much she's really eating. (Hasn't wanted any more ice cream, btw, another typical pattern.)

So I cancelled the appt.

I have no idea how things are going to go again overnight and tomorrow morning. I hope I'm not making a mistake, because for most of the day she did not look like a dog who was ready to keep going, nor did she seem to be enjoying herself much. But, nope, I can't do it yet after this evening.

Not a "miracle recovery" at all, actually a fairly typical pattern, except that every day the not-well portion lasts longer and the somewhat-functioning-and-eating portion grows shorter.

I don't know how I'm going to get work done. I haven't been in to the office since last Tuesday, I think, and I know that they'd like to have me there as much as I can manage. Maybe drag myself out of bed early, give Boost her meds, let her be unwell at home alone thru morning and early afternoon and then come back for when I'd expect her to be perked up a little?

Damnit, this is hard. I was sure it was time by early afternoon today. Now, not sure. Keeping fingers crossed that this isn't a mistake.